I call them "Buy a Belt" programs
That is the truth all right. I gave up, originally, about 15 years ago, the guy who was my instructor joined the police. (and again, for the noobs, I'm from Norn Ireland where for a good deal of the time back then the police had to deal with armed terrorists with nothing more than a truncheon. That was back in the days when we regularly had to sweep body parts off the shop front into the "designated area". That's not really as horrible as it sounds. Nobody was forcing us, it just made it easier for the undertakers.) He was absolutely effing amazing. One of the guys who joined when I did had a stutter. He was called Marcus and was about 6 ft 4 but really dorky looking and... really dorky. When he sparred he would beat the crap out of you BUT by accident. Never learned a single fricking technique from him but I learned to stop complaining. So him and Damien, the sensei, (interlude - he got really embarrassed if you addressed him as sensei - and for those who know, that means Sen..Sei... <bow>)(by embarrassed I mean he would shake his head, laugh and ask you to help him demonstrate the next move. Ouch.) so him and Damien are in a chippy after class (a chippy is a fish and chip shop. Seriously they make a living here. Mainly from me, these days.) Now Marcus is standing outside the chippy waiting on his lift, the sensei, coming out when one guy from a group comes over and asks for a chip. At this point I may have lost the American audience but virtually anyone asking for anything from anybody here is going to end up in a fist fight. We're Irish. It's what we do. We had potatoes, then one time they went away, so don't ask for any more fucking potatoes.)
Marcus heffs and ulms about not surrendering any chips (oh, chips = french fries) so the <thug> hits him. It doesn't even register. Marco just looks a bit hang dog, because he's obviously let somebody down. Damo comes out of the shop and sees gangster no_1 throwing the punch. The shit hits the fan and marcus decides to throw the dickhead away from him, to save him from damo. You can imagine the confusion all round. So the punch-thrower is sitting on his ass, after bouncing off a wall. Meanwhile his friends have seen him misshandled and are charging in. Marcus tries to intercept Damien before he kills the guy who threw the first punch. Marcus' face is burning but he just wants a quiet life, even so Damo runs right over him and lands on the group of guys. About 10 seconds later they're all out cold. The police where called and he just flashed an envelope saying he was up for interview with them the next Wednesday. Nothing happened. Oh, Damo is a special superintendent now. He trains the police here in unarmed combat (duh!). Marcus is a speech therapist, and a good one apparently - any time I speak to him it's a chore, but he says the same.