I laughed my head off after reading them all.

<start of memorable quotes>

"this is some big hard wood, and ive see alot in my day "

" After everything was over.. I yearned for their heroism.. the tools they used.. They only said one word.. One word that would tattoo itself in my brain.. tattooed with a laser-sharpened spear of destiny.. They said "Henckels" .... Their's was rosewood though"

"I used to watch the juice channel back when I had cable."

"The wood is too thick and hard. It took me forever to cut this thing up. They should use thinner, softer wood, or place a big sticker on it that says "power tools required". All I had was a large serrated knife. Took almost a week."

" "It's not that," I said carefully, biting my lips together as if that could prevent the bitter words from escaping them. "It's...there's no juice channel on this thing." Before he could answer, the Drag Queen Terrorist Army burst in, machine guns chattering away. "

"Soon, the cutting board and I had more in common than you would imagine a living, breathing, humane, single man could have with a slab of wood: it was missing some of its feet! It slides all over the counter, an accident waiting to happen. I packed it up and gave it to a first novelist from whose manuscript I'd removed three hundred and twelve pages, transforming it from a lumbering, ponderous work into a streamlined sprite of a light comedy. I handed it to him, hook first. He said nothing but "Thanks." "

"Well, here's my big idea: get yourself a router and just gouge out your own "juice channel." I tried this, and you know what? They say that homemade juice is best, but homemade juice through a homemade juicer is EVEN BETTER!! Not only that, but the sawdust added necessary, healthful pulp to my juice"

</end of memorable quotes>

Overall, it appears to be a really good cutting board. 4.5 out of 5 stars(overall). Not bad at all. I think I should take a stab at it. No pun intended. No juice channel either.
This comment was edited on Jun 10, 20:43.