Gabe "Snacks-a-lot" Newell farted, sounding much like an overfed pachyderm. "Do farts come in lumps?", he asked to no one in particular, laughing and spitting as the words came out of his swollen, food-caked mouth. No answer was given.
As he turned back to his half-empty bag of Doritos, another surprise blast came from his gargantuan bottom, causing the cellulite to ripple like a great oceanic wave. This time he felt the distinct and uncomfortable wetness of a fart gone wrong. "What should I do?!", he blurted into the darkness of his mother's basement.
No one was home.