Meanwhile all his concentration is fixed on the interior of his mouth, which naturally he cannot see, but which he can imagine in three dimensions as if zooming through it in a virtual reality display. Here is where a novice would lose his cool and simply chomp down. A few nuggets would explode between his molars, but then his jaw would snap shut and drive all of the unshattered nuggets straight up into his palate where their armor of razor-sharp dextrose crystals would inflict massive collateral damage, turning the rest of the meal into a sort of pain-hazed death march and rendering him Novocaine mute for three days. But Randy has, over time, worked out a really fiendish Cap'n Crunch eating strategy that revolves around playing the nuggets' most deadly features against each other. The nuggets themselves are pillow-shaped and vaguely striated to echo piratical treasure chests. Now, with a flake-type cereal, Randy's strategy would never work. But then, Cap'n Crunch in a flake form would be suicidal madness; it would last about as long, when immersed in milk, as snowflakes sifting down into a deep fryer. No, the cereal engineers as General Mills had to find a shape that would minimise surface area, and as some sort of compromise between the sphere that is dictated by Euclidean geometry and whatever sunken-treasure-related shapes that the cereal-aestheticians were probably clamoring for, they came up with this hard-to-pin-down striated pillow formation. The important thing, for Randy's purposes, is that the individual pieces of Cap'n Crunch are, to a very rough approximation, shaped kind of like molars. The strategy, then, is to make the Cap'n Crunch chew itself by grinding the nuggets together in the center of the oral cavity, like stones in a lapidary tumbler.

Cryptonomicon
Neal Stephenson

You guys are cutting up your mouth on breakfast cereal? WUSSES!



Gemerally I burn my mouth on italian food.. don't know what it is but I guess italian food is deceptively hot.

last sunday i just about bit off the tip of my tongue, totally enraptured with a piece of chicago deep dish, its still split a little, considering medical consultaton :0

I kind've did that. I had my wisdom teeth out, and it was about a month, maybe more maybe less after. And I wanted some nachos. Took a bite, and one went straight through the skin that had just healed over the hole. Hurt so bad. Had to go the dentist and get it looked at, and some of the chip removed. Stupid on my part. But what you going to do?

OTOH, a good mouth shredding can also be had courtesy of the grinding burrs on Fruit Loops and Apple Jacks.

Ever have the pleasure of jamming a torilla chip in the gum line between two teeth? oh boy!



-TPFKAS2S
http://www.braglio.org
How many toes does a fish have?
How many wings on a cow? I wonder, yep. I wonder!

Honeycomb is just as bad...

No way.. Honeycombs are a walk in the park compared to the glass shards in Cap'n Crunch.

OTOH, a good mouth shredding can also be had courtesy of the grinding burrs on Fruit Loops and Apple Jacks.

Now I want a pizza

I've been wanting pizza since this damn thread started this morning! Thanks Blue!

I miss California Pizza Kitchen, which I can only find on vacation, and not locally.

Another chronic mouth burner here, is it so wrong that I think pizza is at it's best when it's just out of the oven?
Now I want a pizza.
And another great cereal for ruining your mouth is Wafflecrisp.

This comment was edited on Mar 27, 16:01.

I hate captain crunch too, it tears up the roof of my mouth...

Honeycomb is just as bad...

"HHHMMMM Scalding Pizza...Im sure the burnt roof of my mouth was just a fluke the last 10 times. I go a head and take a bite....Someone may steal it if I don't eat it now"
AAAAAHHHHHHHAHAHAHAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate captain crunch too, it tears up the roof of my mouth....frankenberry sucks too, for the same reason...

----
LIFE, LIBERTY AND THE PURSUIT OF THOSE WHO THREATEN IT!
This comment was edited on Mar 27, 14:38.

Hmm, I wouldn't be so sure. For one, it did say it was "adapted", which means he could have reversed it or altered it somehow. Also, I used to work in surgery doing nervous system monitoring, and we used similar devices. Trust me, if you know where to get them, you can get machines MUCH more powerful than the T.E.N.S. units you see at medical supply stores.

Even if he used the 9-volt battery that powers it by itself, I doubt it would cause a heart attack.

I have an uncle who's favorite trick to impress the kids at Xmas is to put the contact end of a 9-volt on his tongue.

I am currently suffering with a scalded roof of my mouth after not being patient enough with the cooling process of a just-microwaved Tombstone pizza. Trouble is this is like the eighth time I've done this

It's not just you. Evertime I burn the roof of my mouth (fortunately not very often), the culprit is pizza, and not the pizzeria kind either, but the frozen pizza you throw in the oven kind. For some reason, frozen pizzas seem deceptibly cool enough to eat shortly after coming out of the oven, and you don't realize you've burned the roof of your mouth until nearly the entire pizza is consumed.

I've ceased clunking my head on this, but there are still many skull-prints up there to serve as a reminder of just how slowly I can learn sometimes.

LOL, this is one of the funniest OotB's I've read in a while. I've got a low skull-bashing ceiling at the bottom of my stairs to the basement. Fortunatly, I'm not tall enough to bash my skull into it, but by the marks on it I would have to say that the previous owners probably did once or twice.

The pensioner had applied the electrodes of an adapted voltmeter to his genitals, the report said.

hmmmm....correct me if I'm wrong (like I have to ask that here!) but, a voltmeter is used to take a reading from a voltage source, not produce a voltage. Even if he used the 9-volt battery that powers it by itself, I doubt it would cause a heart attack.

Sounds like an "Urban Tale" in the making

snafu

Opinions are like A**holes, everybody has one and they usually stink
(all except mine of course)

You should put some kind of foam on the ceiling so you don't bump your head!

Dan
Intel 486SX, Trident video, 8MB RAM, 14" Generic Monitor, 100 MB HDD, Windows 3.11

I've done worse than that... there's a club I used to play at and after the setup and sound check, I'd typically go across the street for a slice of pizza, which would be too hot, and I would burn the roof of my mouth just before getting on stage and playing saxophone. Fortunately, beer tends to ease the pain.

I usually don't notice it until the following day.

The worst part of it is running your tongue along the roof of your mouth and feeling the burned tendrils peeling off.

When I was in HS some buddies and I stopped in a local Pizza joint. We ordered a pie and dug in the second it hit our booth. I watched in horror as a giant sheet of molten cheese/sauce became detached from a friends slice, neatly depositing itself on his chin/upper throat.

With a scream he grabbed the burning chunk of cheese and threw it as hard as he could away from him.

Right into another customers hair.

oops.

-TPFKAS2S
http://www.braglio.org
How many toes does a fish have?
How many wings on a cow? I wonder, yep. I wonder!

My worst are pizza rolls that you deep fry. You bite in and 900 degree juice squirts all over your face. OUCH

I am quite fond of them (as evidenced by my inability to wait until they've cooled a bit before harming myself).

I'm having flashbacks to seeing animals in cages, pulling the lever to dispense food...

(insert voice over): Watch as this man endures physical harm JUST to enjoy his favorite food!

If it makes you feel any better, I do the same thing...oddly enough, I usually don't notice it until the following day. Slow senses, I guess...pizzas are the worst, since that cheese on top SEEMS cool...it's the sauce that gets ya!

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't Tombstone an oven only pizza?

I don't know about all of them, but these aren't oven-only... they are personal-sized deep dish pizzas that come in bags of six. They have one of those little silver trays for use in the microwave, and I am quite fond of them (as evidenced by my inability to wait until they've cooled a bit before harming myself).


This comment was edited on Mar 27, 10:31.