My sister had extremely aggressive breast cancer and survived. You were robbed of your mom any way you slice it. You're never ready. Ever.

As an aside - my stroke should have been fatal but it wasn't. Life is strange.

Hang in there Blue.

On a lighter note:
What Happened to THX? Thanks VideoSift.
I thought it was dropped due to safety concerns.

This comment was edited on Sep 19, 2023, 02:31.

WaltSee wrote on Sep 18, 2023, 19:08:
Sorry about your Mom. Untimely, unexpected death is always shocking.

To clarify, her death was untimely, as she was too young, and shocking, because it was a stroke, but there actually was an expected quality, as she was fighting stage four breast cancer at the time, so on some level we were in the process of bracing for the worst.

I'm probably the worst at this, due to being raise by schizophrenic parent, who have abnormal emotional reactions much less ability teach a kid, about mortality and grieving.
The last normal grade I remember is 3rd maybe 4th, by 5th grade I was lying about homework and obviously caught when the teacher asks me to talk about the book.

What I'm trying to say is that grieving, remembering and trying to live in a way our loved ones would appreciate, shows we are worthy of the love they gave us and
they are worthy of the love we feel for them. So here's to all our loved ones, who left before us, may we continue to carry their love forward.

Sorry about your Mom. Untimely, unexpected death is always shocking. Just makes the case for enjoying each day as if it could be your last--but not in a reckless sense, of course, as that could well hasten the end. It's so easy to get distracted by the mundane that we take the wonders of life for granted. I think at times that those who go early with no warning may not be as unlucky as it appears, as they were spared the long years of decline that many see before the inevitable final curtain drops. It is the great equalizer of men and their myriad illusions. (Cheerful, eh?...change subject!)

It's a sad day for sure. The date that hits me hardest is my mom's birthday. It's been over 10 years since she passed, and it still hurts.

It's not the point if we can relate or not (personally I can't because dates and anniversaries mean nothing to me); that you're grieving and you share it is the point. That I can sympathize with. Anyone can. RIP 💙 mom

Burrito of Peace wrote on Sep 18, 2023, 14:37:

Blue wrote on Sep 18, 2023, 14:10:
I think you are spot-on. Thank you for sharing that. I'm surprised you've been able to process so well so relatively quickly. Losing a parent is far more natural/expected than losing a spouse.

My pleasure. I wish more people would share their experiences with grief and loss because it helps those who have and those who will.

That was my thinking in posting about my feelings today. I'm sure it seems weird to many, because it feels weird to me too. But at this point I guess oversharing is pretty on-brand for me, so I might as well lean into it.

Blue wrote on Sep 18, 2023, 14:10:
I think you are spot-on. Thank you for sharing that. I'm surprised you've been able to process so well so relatively quickly. Losing a parent is far more natural/expected than losing a spouse.

My pleasure. I wish more people would share their experiences with grief and loss because it helps those who have and those who will. Maybe it's different in other countries, but here in the States we don't really learn how to deal with either grief or loss in a way that is beneficial. We don't teach our kids how to talk to, and be there for, their friends or spouses who will experience both. We just sort of let people figure it out on their own.

As for processing quickly, responsibility has a way of doing that for you. I have a dog that needs me, parents that need me, and I'm in the process of moving the entire family to a completely new way of life far from where we have historically been located. There's also my job on top of that. So there's little time for me to sit and drag things out. I know I have significantly changed as a person. Tremendously so. But the motivation to keep my family safe and well cared for drives me to action in a way that was not previously there.

Burrito of Peace wrote on Sep 18, 2023, 13:37:
It should not make you feel bad, Blue. In two weeks, my late wife will have been gone for two years. I still miss her every day but life has moved forward. I empathize with you in that I, too, sometimes feel that I should be more saddened. However, I think that over time grief doesn't stop hurting, you just become accustomed to it and learn to handle it better. Recently, I hit a bit of a depressive spiral because while packing up my house to sell it, I came across her journal. I sat down and read it. For a brief bit of time, through her handwriting, notes, and little doodles, it was like having her with me again.The entries ranged from deeply meaningful and personal to her kvetching about the infestation of hornworms that had invaded her tomato plants. It was 100% her.

I believe as long as we remember and cherish the memories of those we have loved and lost that the grief will still be there but mitigated by that love we still hold for them. I still say, aloud, goodnight to my wife, that I love her, and that I miss her.

I think you are spot-on. Thank you for sharing that. I'm surprised you've been able to process so well so relatively quickly. Losing a parent is far more natural/expected than losing a spouse.

It should not make you feel bad, Blue. In two weeks, my late wife will have been gone for two years. I still miss her every day but life has moved forward. I empathize with you in that I, too, sometimes feel that I should be more saddened. However, I think that over time grief doesn't stop hurting, you just become accustomed to it and learn to handle it better. Recently, I hit a bit of a depressive spiral because while packing up my house to sell it, I came across her journal. I sat down and read it. For a brief bit of time, through her handwriting, notes, and little doodles, it was like having her with me again.The entries ranged from deeply meaningful and personal to her kvetching about the infestation of hornworms that had invaded her tomato plants. It was 100% her.

I believe as long as we remember and cherish the memories of those we have loved and lost that the grief will still be there but mitigated by that love we still hold for them. I still say, aloud, goodnight to my wife, that I love her, and that I miss her.