Cutter wrote on Sep 21, 2019, 18:10:
Slashman wrote on Sep 21, 2019, 14:09:
I didn't know geese were quite so assholish!
You've never had any interaction with geese? Oh yeah, they're not just assholes, they're incredible assholes! People say it with awe, 'What an asshole!'
Let me tell you about a goose.
Years ago, I worked on the 4th floor of a building, as tech support for dial up Internet. Like I said, YEARS ago. One of my coworkers, let’s call him Ryan, made the grave error of parking his car in a parking spot near a tree that a goose had decided to build her nest under. Her mate was extremely displeased and chased him away. Well he came out to get his car after work and as he came around the driver’s side to get in, there was the goose, waiting for him (all mentions of “the goose” from here are of the male). It chased him around the car and he jumped in the passenger door.
For several weeks, no matter where he parked, the goose would be waiting for Ryan when he came out. If he attempted to walk to the building nearby with a food court, the goose would try to land on his back and dig in the raptor-like hooks they have on their feet. It never approached anyone else, just Ryan. So all summer, this poor guy had to wear a heavy trench coat to avoid getting badly injured by the goose. Since he was “defending his nest”, it would be a crime for him to retaliate. The goose had a bright pink tracker around its neck, so it was also part of a field study.
One day, one of the girls I worked with stood up and motioned for everyone to come over by the window. All 8 of us came over, and there, down between the highway and the parking lot, was the goose. There were other geese there, but the bright pink tag was clearly visible. He was pissed off as hell, we could hear him honking through the glass and at least 150 feet away. He had his wings out and was strutting around. Ryan was quietly saying “oh please, come onnnn, do it! Do it!” As that shithead kept rushing toward the cars on the highway then shying away. And then he ran out onto the highway, right in front of a semi going about 70 mph. As you’d expect, the bird didn’t even slow the truck down as it exploded around it. Ryan immediately threw both hands over his head, yelling “WOOOOOOOO!!!!!” until he ran out of breath. He got written up for being so noisy in a call center, but it didn’t faze him. He came in to work the next few weeks like that intolerably happy asshole every office has, but no one held it against him.
So yeah, geese are dicks.