(The following is Satire for Adults(TM). Unborn children, and/or the stonehead monoliths on Easter Island, will definitely not understand.)

Hi, I'm "Suck it Down" John Romero, here. Decades ago I designed a couple of levels in the John Carmack/id software release, "Doom," and ever since then I've been trying very hard to convince people it was my game, all mine--ground up, every level, every line of code--eg, who was J. Carmack, and who cares? etc.

I mean, seriously, if you bought Daikatana then I've already "made you my bitch" (catchy, eh?) once, right? Second time's the charm! So get ready to go, meh bitches!...Your Mast-ah (Is it a wig or is it Romero?) calls! He commands his legion of mindless thralls to rise from the dead once again! Because...*off-key drum roll*...*sour trumpet blast*...

If I get enough paid preorders, and I say if, I might actually develop a game, maybe even Daikatana Remastered 2020, and note that I say this without promising anything--or at least, I might hire the people who will develop the game--or I might wriggle in and ingratiate myself with the people who will actually develop the game--so long as I get all the credit, of course! It's all the same--someone has to take the credit for things that get produced--so why not me? I've found that is a motto that works well for me, personally--always has, if you can't tell.

What? What's that you say? What was my all-time hunky-dory delicious-mostest favorite thing about Daikatana that to this day remains most loved by my swooning ocean of fans? Here's a hint--because if you haven't yet bought my masterpiece of yesteryear, here is all I will say: Talk to the frog...!