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Evening Metaverse

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7. Re: Evening Metaverse Oct 24, 2012, 09:51 Verno
Good to see Netflix doing better. They took a big drubbing for previous mistakes but I always thought people were too harsh on them. With Instant Queue I never have any problems building a massive list of stuff to watch and the price is beyond reasonable for the content.  
Playing: Pillars of Eternity 2, Far Cry 5, Persona 5
Watching: Safe, Game Night, Last Flag Flying
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6. Re: A more honest letter from Zynga Oct 24, 2012, 07:56 Creston
The Half Elf wrote on Oct 24, 2012, 02:57:
Creston why did I read that in Cave Johnson's voice?

That would actually be awesome.

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5. Re: Evening Metaverse Oct 24, 2012, 04:36 jdreyer
I was going to say something, but I think Creston said it all.  
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The only thing that flat-earthers have to fear is sphere itself.
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4. Re: A more honest letter from Zynga Oct 24, 2012, 02:57 The Half Elf
Creston why did I read that in Cave Johnson's voice?  
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Using a steering wheel on a Burnout game is like using the Space Shuttle controls to fly a kite.
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3. A more honest letter from Zynga Oct 24, 2012, 01:13 Creston
Dear team,

Following our really fucking stupid decision to do an IPO, people have unfortunately realized we are nothing but a bag of air, and lukewarm air at that. We didn't actually really have any kind of value, but even the fake value assigned to us by equally stupid morons on Wall Street has now plummeted to truly Libyan levels.

Because we now have to place the greed of the shareholder above every other concern, we've decided to massively cut costs in a terribly obvious move to prop up the balance sheet short term, while doing absolutely nothing to address the fact that we simply have no fucking clue how to make actual money off these utterly mind-numbing games we make.

We could do these cost cutting measures in the leadership group that had the really fucking stupid idea to do an IPO in the first place, but we've decided instead to give those guys a big bonus and just fire 5% of you, including many of you who have just joined us after listening to our "we're the new wave of gaming" promotional speech. (Boy, bet you guys wish you'd spend some more time thinking about that decision, huh? Psych!)

Many of you who are getting canned were good friends, and we will all miss you terribly. Well, when I say all of us, I mean those people that actually cared about you. We here at leadership really don't. Fuck, I didn't even know we HAD a studio in Boston! Where the hell did you guys come from? Not that it matters, really, since you'll be closing up shop again soon!

But really, we here at leadership will miss not having you around, because it means that in the next quarter when we have to cut more costs in yet more stupidly obvious (and bound to fail) measures to prop up the short-term balance sheet, we can't fire you guys again. Which really sucks. I mean, then we might have to fire Annie, and she can suck a golfball through twenty feet of garden hose, you know what I mean?!

Bob wanted to wait until after Christmas to fire you guys, saying that it was kinda cruel to fire people right before the holidays, and I just gave him that look that you normally give something that crawls across your plate. I said "Pack up your shit, Bob! You're fired too!" Shareholders don't make no money off false sentiment, you know what I mean? I'm sure your family members love you enough to get you some food stamps for Christmas.

Anyway, I am rambling. Long story short, we fucked up, but we're protected. So we're going to fire some of you peons, as that simply is what you do in situations like these. I'd wish you all well, but you know that's a fake sentiment anyway. I really don't give a shit what happens to you guys.

I'm certain that by doing these actions, we will transform Zynga into the Internet treasure we all know it to... pffftttt hahahahahahaa. Jesus, I can't even write that in an email. Hey Colleen? Who the fuck came up with this shit?

Anyway, if you have any questions, I'd really rather you keep them to yourself. You got fired, why should we have to listen to you? But I guess if you REALLY have to, go talk to HR. I have no clue what the fuck I pay those people for anyway, they might as well hold your hand while you pack up your shit and leave.

Much love
With respect


Your beloved CEO and all-around cuntsack.


PS: Btw guys, before you leave, check out the new car I bought with my bonus!

Mark Pincus, you're a fucking asshole.


This comment was edited on Oct 24, 2012, 08:01.
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2. Re: Evening Metaverse Oct 24, 2012, 00:37 Axis
Glad to see Netflix profitable and thriving, I couldn't live without it, and couldn't imagine paying for Cable Dish or otherwise ever again...  
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Yours truly,

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1. Re: Evening Metaverse Oct 24, 2012, 00:08 Cyanotetyphas
Only 30 million subscribers? I'm surprised. Financial statements are always interesting. They raked in 2.6 billion but it cost them 2.609 billion to do it. Might explain the tepid stock price.  
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Synthetic Error - Entertainment bloggin
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