Regarding Paul Simon disliking the song "Feelin' Groovy", here's a link to the Stephen Colbert video related to that comment; he and Stephen perform the song in parody form: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZI2PXkXZPfk

Weird idea, but, do you have any automation tools running which are designed to send or modify keystrokes or other commands to applications? Maybe discord isn't crashing, but rather, being closed down by some other process. You said that no error messages are appearing and there's nothing in the event viewer to indicate a crash. For example, on my systems, I would often have event-driven or timed scripts which would deliberately stop certain processes that I didn't want running because they interfered with other things. Maybe something like that is being overzealous. Maybe something as simple as an antivirus program detecting malicious activity, either as a false alarm or valid detection.

As mentioned elsewhere in the comments already: Windows has some developer-level features which are intended to trap crashes of applications, and write a crash/debug dump file. These fall under the general heading of "post-mortem debugging". If Discord is genuinely crashing, you should be able to configure Windows to trap that and then open the dump file in a debugger. The debugger can be daunting, but you don't need to actually diagnose the bug, just find enough info to point you in the right direction.

My only advice for the colonoscopy is: Do not underestimate the speed with which the laxative medicine takes effect. Once you start drinking that stuff, you end up in the bathroom sooner than one would normally expect. Be prepared.