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Real Name Toddles   
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Nickname Kosumo
Email Concealed by request - Send Mail
ICQ None given.
Homepage http://
Signed On Dec 2, 2003, 02:59
Total Comments 2550 (Senior)
User ID 19551
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News Comments > Saturday Previews
3. Re: Saturday Previews Oct 31, 2015, 16:16 Kosumo
Smart is making lots of noise, it's all over Something Awful game's thread.

He's just moved on form here for a bit because there where not enough of us who where totally egging him on - where as the goons are more than keen.

In other words, he gets more attention over there.

On Topic -

The video is dire - is that all they have to show?

The list of blockers are a joke - the true list would be many many more pages - but the ones they have listed are major in them self.

This is no diffent to what they where saying about Star Marine, and that went no where despite them always making out it was just about ready.

This a just weekly cheerleading to keep the faith.
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News Comments > Out of the Blue
21. Re: Out of the Blue Oct 31, 2015, 03:02 Kosumo
On the topic of sports - Rugby World Cup (once every 4 years) final tomorrow - New Zealand V Austraila, first time they have meet in the finals.

New Zealand captain, Richie Macaw, who most believe will retire form international rugby after, will be playing in his 148 International match, I think he as captained NZ over 100 times, old losing 7 of those.

Many call the All Blacks (NZ) the most winning team in any sport ever (winning over %80 of the time) - although I'm unsure just how true that is.

Looking forward to it, early broadcast over here in New Zealand (5am) so many breakfast being sold at the pubs.

OK, back to your American sports.

BTW - my favortie Gary Oldman image was second one down, page two - The RSI Gary Oldman 'Paaaarrp' Air Horn.

Lots of really funny good ones - best thing to come out of Star Citizen so far - their will be many lols if/once the public and the goons get there hands on the actual models of all those actors (Hamill/Anderson ect)
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News Comments > Star Citizen New Flight Model Details
8. Re: Star Citizen New Flight Model Details Oct 29, 2015, 20:09 Kosumo

Ship flight balancing is one of the most difficult and delicate tasks that we have on this project. The move to a 3rd order system and the addition of a dynamically determined velocity mode have necessitated a nearly complete from-the-ground-up re-balance of the ship handling characteristics. This means that each of the ships are likely going to feel quite different from what you’re used to in Arena Commander.

This is what they should have been doing 18 months ago.

To me, in that time, all they have done is burn off the goodwill that they had - just for more money while the basic underlining game system - space flight was just left there, in a hoe hum state.

It remains to be seen if they really understand what they are doing or just reacting (slowly) to some of the underling problems.

Still, this remains to be rolled out to the public, which with their track record could take years, like the Star Marine module that was to be out months and months ago.

I suspect that they got too distracted with 'Star Marine' and lost sight of what was the real core of the promised game. I would think this is because Chris Roberts (scummy, deceptive man) is in charge.

"Star Citizen - burning backers money for coke fulled dreams since 2013"

Edit - Derek is ranting away over on the Something Awful fourms, picking on people in wheelchairs. He's "doxxing"* like a mad man.

* Finding his critics then posting their name and other profiles while telling them his lawyers are coming for them.

This comment was edited on Oct 29, 2015, 20:15.
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News Comments > New Star Citizen Alpha
73. Re: New Star Citizen Alpha Oct 27, 2015, 16:04 Kosumo
theyarecomingforyou wrote on Oct 27, 2015, 10:03:
That's the best you have? Your argument is Superweaksauce™ and you know it. CIG can't be expected to build the same game they were planning for $6m when they've raised $93m. If they simply pocketed the extra money and delivered the original game people would be screaming fraud.

Delays happen. Get over it.

Well, you know, they could have like, stop sell ships to raise more money and stopped adding streach goals to incress the funds and then they would not have $93 million dollars so it would not have been a fraud. You know that extra money he could have turned away.

But Chris wants more money; He could have made (or not, cos he is shit at making games) a very nice version of his Star Citizen 1.0 vision for around the 30-45 million dollar make that would be out now and I don't think people would have called it a scam - he could have shown how he is a master at making cool gameplay. Then announced a second game made with both the first ones profits and backers money!

Instead, he has shown him self to be a greedy deceptive man who is more keen to make a movie with his wife - both of whom just want more of other peoples money to do with what they wish.

You asked for people to point out promises that he has broken - LTI, re-selling limited sale ships. You also state that you wont accept 'delays' as a broken promise, well if he never release any final product, what does anyone have to work his promises against since he keeps saying they will be in the game - which is not coming out.
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News Comments > Fallout 4 Preload Plans
24. Re: Fallout 4 Preload Plans Oct 27, 2015, 04:01 Kosumo
I see what you are say, Bethesda is after a product that sells/returns $100 - $300 million (4.5 - 15 million sales in first 2 years, if it's on the level of Skyrim, it would have a very very long tail), where as an original Style Fallout game is in the $20 - $60 million return. (.8 - 3 million sales in first 2 years)

A Fallout 4 size game I would think would cost $45 - $70 million to make plus marketing* (just a guess, what do other think?)

Where as I'd think you could make a original style Fallout for $7.5 - $20 million (guessing again, anyone else want a guess?)

So to me it make sense to do them both but I get where you coming from. (the point of Bethesda, go big or go home) It comes down to weather they believe it adds value to the franchise overall. (It would for some, it's like the free mobile game that they release for Fallout 4 - marketing)

Still, Jerykk, would you like to see/play a Fallout game back in that style?

*Marketing money can be unlimited, It is just whatever the publisher is confident/silly enough to pay. It's like doubling down on a bet.
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News Comments > New Star Citizen Alpha
68. Re: New Star Citizen Alpha Oct 27, 2015, 01:13 Kosumo
theyarecomingforyou wrote on Oct 26, 2015, 08:38:
CJ_Parker wrote on Oct 26, 2015, 05:37:
They already haven't. CIG have broken Kickstarter promises left, right and center and, yeah, there will be way more to come when you really sit down and compare the entire pitch/stretch goal list to whatever will be playable one day.
What are these promises that CIG has supposedly broken? I've been following since the original Kickstarter and am not aware of any. Delays don't count, as they were only estimates and it was stated from the beginning that delays were likely. In fact the game has expanded to such a degree that backers are getting substantially more than was originally promised.

While I don't think these where 'promises', I do still think they are just some of the very many times that Chris Roberts as out right lied to the backers.

Chris said this (September 2013) -
“The more funds we can raise in the pre-launch phase, the more we can invest in additional content (more ships, characters etc.) and perhaps more importantly we can apply greater number of resources to the various tasks to ensure we deliver the full functionality sooner rather than later.

"Full Functionality sooner rather than later" - He lied, He knew he was lying, He did not care, He just wanted more money to play with.

Chris also said this (June 2015) -
"Will it take longer to deliver all this? Of course! When the scope changes, the amount of time it will take to deliver all the features naturally increases. This is something we are acutely aware of."

"Of course" - That's him calling people his fanbase fools for ever believing his lies. He is just trying to justify taking more money and more time for him to piss away on his poorly managed 'game'.

There wont be a Arena Commander 2.0 before the end of the year, and if/when it every does come out it will be so broken that he will call it pre-pre-alpha. He know this but sells the dream to get more money knowing he is years away for even a base game let alone all these internet spaceships he as sold for hundreds of dollars.

I would say that the Endevor spaceship will NEVER be in the game.

Squadren 42 will be lucky to release 10 missions by this time next year, and that with them put all their effort into it.

Point: Has Arena Commander 1.3 really added anything? (wtf with the grey cat in ArcCorp? - dumb dumb shit) You have often said how they need more 'maps' have they come about - from what I have herd, Arena Commander 0.8 - 1.3 has not really evoiled very well at all, and that's over a year at lest. Plenty of excuse thought. (waiting on Star Marine - which was waiting on animation, then waiting on networking, merging stuff, ect, ect) <--- POORLY MANAGED!

Chris Roberts is a deceptive, scummy man.
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News Comments > Fallout 4 Preload Plans
20. Re: Fallout 4 Preload Plans Oct 26, 2015, 23:34 Kosumo
Creston wrote on Oct 26, 2015, 22:53:
I think there's still a market for games like that, but it'll have to come through smaller projects like Kickstarters. No publisher really seems to want to cough up the cash for something like them.

Firaxs/Take 2 with X-COM:Enemy Unknown and the up coming sequal show that there are larger publishers willing to invest money it to that style of game.

Bethesda just was not know for that style of game so made it more in the style that they where known for. (Also, maybe it was a better fit for console gamers as sad as that sounds - I know Fallout: Botherhood of Steel, came out on consoles, did any of the others?)

I still agree with what you said in general. I'm sure that the Fallout universe is a long long way form dying out now. (how long was the gap between the last Fallout game before Fallout 3 and Fallout 3?)

I'd be keen to see a Firaxs Fallout game (isometric) with Chris Avolle (you guys know who I mean) as a spin off.
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News Comments > Fallout 4 Preload Plans
10. Re: Fallout 4 Preload Plans Oct 26, 2015, 21:26 Kosumo
Kxmode wrote on Oct 26, 2015, 20:51:
I'll have to wait to buy closer to release. I dropped $1,400 on a car payment internet pew pew space ship that ended any kind of play eating money for October. I'm hell bent on being debt free an elite Star Citizen (with no pubes). Priorities Christ Roberts and the Cult of White Knights first.

Fixed that for you Allthumbsup

I've been replaying the first Fallout (first time in about 15 years) and as harlock says, they still stand up gameplay wise.

In saying that, I'm total going to get this day one despite not liking Fallout 3 all that much - I loved Fallout:NV. I'm happy to roll with some chance on this.

Just because Fallout 1 & 2 where great games, dose not mean that although 3 was not as good, that it was not worthy, it was ok/good, Fallout:NV was just about back to great level.

Happy that you are going to pass on this if you feel that way. I hope its great, gets good reviews, and you then give it a go and enjoy it.

Otherwise - troll away
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News Comments > New Star Citizen Alpha
32. Re: New Star Citizen Alpha Oct 25, 2015, 06:11 Kosumo
Patch Notes:



- The Greycat Buggy has received an appearance, animation and handling overhaul.
- The fish tank in all current Hangars has received appearance updates.
- The elevator to Area 18 will now show all available instances of ArcCorp, how many people are present in each one, and how many people from your contact list are present.
- There is now a “Loadout Selector” located in all player hangar’s that will allow players to select what load out they will move around the Hangar and ArcCorp with.



- Fixed an issue where characters would not be properly aligned in the Retaliator when attempting to sit in the Retaliator pilot chair.
- Fixed an issue where characters would appear outside of the Gladiator when attempting to sit down in the Gladiator pilot chair.



- Character rigs and animations have all been updated


- Fixed an issue where people did not know that Sandi Gardiner is Chris Roberts wife.

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News Comments > etc.
49. Re: etc. Oct 25, 2015, 05:35 Kosumo
Slick wrote on Oct 24, 2015, 02:48:
Julio wrote on Oct 23, 2015, 05:25:
Women will need to get ready for Sharia law, as Trudeau is pro-ISIS/pro-Islam.

*golf clap*

masterfully done sir, you are truly a giant in your artful troll

I too, am impressed with that level off flying of the deep end, truly masterful trolling Salute (well, would be if anyone takes the bait)
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News Comments > Fallout 4 Ready to Roll
20. Re: Fallout 4 Ready to Roll Oct 23, 2015, 22:15 Kosumo
Creston wrote on Oct 23, 2015, 22:04:
Retired wrote on Oct 23, 2015, 21:25:
It is $46 and change at GMG if anyone wants it. Coupon out there for 23% off.


Is that a steam key? International fine? (regional prices is $100nzd about ~$60-$70usd)

For a while we where getting good prices down here and games where at a reasonable price point - now it's getting back up to way over priced again. It's like we are becoming like Austraila (but still can play rugby ((zing )) ) and getting totally tucked on computer games prices.
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News Comments > Fallout 4 Ready to Roll
8. Re: Fallout 4 Ready to Roll Oct 23, 2015, 19:57 Kosumo
It's not the beer that is expensive, it's the post apocalyptic currentcy of 12 bottle caps that your paying for!  
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News Comments > Star Citizen Has 1M Backers; More Get Alpha Access
163. Re: Star Citizen Has 1M Backers; More Get Alpha Access Oct 21, 2015, 01:04 Kosumo
Some of the GTA games had pretty good actors in them, It's not why I brought them, but having Ray Leota, Samual L Jackson, James Wood and Chris Penn in them was fun. (Vice City, San Andreas)

Although it's telling that Rockstar now does not do that. (can't think of any in GTA 4 or 5)
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News Comments > Star Citizen Status Update
113. Re: Star Citizen Status Update Oct 20, 2015, 04:35 Kosumo
jdreyer wrote on Oct 20, 2015, 03:58:
Ah, okay, you and I are largely on the same page then. I want this to succeed, I'm just having a hard time seeing how they get there with their constant scope creep. The ArcCorp module tossed me off the wagon, before that I was pretty optimistic. But that was so overbuilt (as one location of a projected hundreds) that I realized the game would never be finished if everything was going to be built at that scale. Still, if they release SQ 42 complete, I'll feel I got my $35 worth.
I would love to see the game that Chris Roberts talks about being made and for sale, (it sound great, even thought I'm not that into space sims, what a great sounding game! (I'll play any good game - any type)) but I don't think people should be paying more than around ~$60 for a complete game.

For a non complete game, which this very much is, (with an average of about $90 dollars per backer) and the makers having their hand out for more, without taking into account the chance of all the dodgness with this project (Chris's wife in a top position and acting roll, the way how their are multiply diffent studios in diffent places around the world, with lots of diffent companies, the stringing along of people to buy another ship (jpeg)) this just makes me feel very unease about this way of making games.

It's also has become a pay to win game either though there is a good chance that the game will never be real.

It's a long way form the days of paying for Quake 2 and playing as much multiplayer as you want.

edit - Blue is more than able to stand up for himself here, if not he'll just set the dog on you! Also don't attack other posters, attack their views/points of debate, if they are dumping on the 'whole Blues community', of which they must be part of, just take it for what it is, move on. (or agree even).

The Blusenews Community can take it with out kicking back I'm sure. (save your anger for Chris Roberts! Devilish )

This comment was edited on Oct 20, 2015, 04:56.
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News Comments > Star Citizen Status Update
108. Re: Star Citizen Status Update Oct 20, 2015, 02:59 Kosumo
Thanks for your reply, very well put, I agree with you in some ways but I also have a lot of fun poking the cultist.

Please feel free to post about the third way (middle ground, some other are already there) as often as you like. I'm all about more points of view (In this wasted first world topic Thumbsup )

P.S. I do like the Star Citizen threads, has do others or else they would not have so many post (although it's mostly a few posters (kxmode, myself, CJ Parker, jdreyer, theyarecomingforyou, ect) posting many times.) - I'm sure Blue know how many look at these post and weather it is wroth him posting them.

This comment was edited on Oct 20, 2015, 03:08.
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News Comments > Into the Black
15. Re: Into the Black Oct 20, 2015, 01:40 Kosumo
Kxmode wrote on Oct 19, 2015, 23:56:
Holy shit!!

Thank you for your purchase

You have successfully purchased the following tickets

Star Wars: The Force Awakens
7:00 PM | Thursday, December 17, 2015
RealD 3D

Flamethrower Smash Party Drunk2 Drummer Cheerleading __________ Rifle

Is adding those 'flame/rifle emoticons' going to get me investergated and ban form movie theraters?

It's a joke FBI, It's a joke!
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News Comments > Star Citizen Status Update
106. Re: Star Citizen Status Update Oct 20, 2015, 01:21 Kosumo
Citizen P wrote on Oct 20, 2015, 01:08:
Just imagine all the constructive things you could have done, instead of committing so wholeheartedly to loving or hating a game, that you have or have not paid for, that may or may not meet your expectations. The first world problems surrounding Star Citizen and this website is somewhere between mania and obsession. Good grief.

What do you mean "this website"? There are 32 other topics posted in the last 24 hours - while it maybe a popular/hot topic for debate, Bluesnews has many other post about many other topics.

If you don't wish to see the comment you can just not click on the view comments link.

If you wish to post in the comments and get people to respond to you, you could just post 'first world problems' to try to belittle people who have a interest in the topic like a hipster would.

Do you have an opinion on Star Citizen or would you like to post on the meta of Star Citizen threads with something more than 'first world problems'

I'm happy to hear about either.

As to 'constructive things' could you give us some exsamples which are in the same vane as lying in bed posting on a website?

By the way, a big part of my character is gaming and I am very interested and take part in discutions about it. (Like I would think many here on a PC gaming website would)
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News Comments > Star Citizen Status Update
102. Re: Star Citizen Status Update Oct 19, 2015, 23:55 Kosumo
jdreyer wrote on Oct 19, 2015, 23:22:
Kosumo wrote on Oct 19, 2015, 20:29:
But I thought you were by and large a supporter of this project and am surprised that you posted this.
I'm not a support of either kick starter or a fan of Space sims, but am more than happy to see good games made.

I'm a Gamer and will play any type of good* game.

I don't like the way how this seems to have been funded by promises of a far off lofty goal of a game and the pre-game selling of highly priced DLC for such a game that I do not think will ever be close to the pitch that is sold - I find that scummy.

I do think it could/could have been made at a lower 'fidelity' point and then scaled up but that CIG as gone for a 'all in' type gamble on it without a solid plan or the people in a management postion to make it happen.

Chris Robert is not a good manager of projects, he is a used car sales man, he has been deceptive many times with this project.

I feel that he is using his fan base to fund 'his' dreams which they think is the BDSSE while his 'BDSSE' is more of a interactive movie (with the gameplay a long second).

This is a poorly managed project. I would advise no one to put anymore money into it.

Anyone want to disagree and tell me how it as been well managed?

Still feeling Sick

*Good is diffent form person to person but on the whole most of us can agree what is a good game.

This comment was edited on Oct 20, 2015, 00:38.
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News Comments > Star Citizen Status Update
98. Re: Star Citizen Status Update Oct 19, 2015, 22:44 Kosumo
Well Krovven, I agree that there was a degree of trolling in Blues post but I'm happy to give the guy some slack due to the fact that we are in Bluesland, he is, after all el presidentie for life here.

I know what you are saying in that it's not that often that Blue comments on any of the topics but if you look at his profile, you will see that he has now 4000 post sinice Dec 0, 0000, 00:00.

That's a long time!

If you don't like his comment or others in relation to Star Citizen, you can choose to not view them by not clicking on the comment section.

If you are interested in Star Citizen post, I'm more than keen, as I'd think other are, to hear what your views are.

From what I have seen over the last week or so, you seem to be saying you don't care either way but choose to attack/correct people (Derek!!) although you don't care.

While I'm picking up that Blue does not seem to be a great supporter of Star Citizen, I still think he would be more than happy to post any new that is supportive of it (after all, all though the early stages he was posting about their kickstarter, fundraiser, which was after all only helping Chris Roberts get his message out.)

I enjoy you being part of the Bluesnews community and hope you post your thoughts whatever they maybe (along with anyone else who wishes to post - Blue aswell)

P.S. Christ Roberts is Scummy Cthulhu
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News Comments > Star Citizen Status Update
95. Re: Star Citizen Status Update Oct 19, 2015, 20:29 Kosumo
So Blue post the third comment after just 14 mins of the post being live, pointing out how the second comment was just as trolling as anything and Krovven finds that a problem?

Woo, what happened .... is there more to this story or has Krovven just got his grumpy pants on.

Or should we all try to get Blue to ban Blue form the forums?

On topic - I would like to copy paste this from a SA posted that sums up the CitizenCon -

nopantsjack posted:

The Story So Far

The initial drama
Derek Smart is Derek Smart, trolls Star Citizen for a few months.
The Escapist publishes a peice where employees of CIG accuse Chris and Sandy of mismanagement, waste of funds and specifically Sandy of racism and muff-hating.
Chris Roberts posts a big meltdown on the Star Citizen site accusing Escapist of manufacturing sources/beleiving disgruntled employees/being Derek Smart/being Gamergate.
One day later CIG threaten Escapist with a defamation suit against the claims on Sandy (notably no claims to do with the money) unless they apologise and remove the article within 24 hours.
The Escapist says no, and commits to further investigation.

Derek Smart predicts a ship called the Vindicator will come out and it'll be $175 and a fighter, he does this through Beer who gets banned from the CIG forums for it.
Much shitposting.

After a brief delay and schizophrenic countdown timer, Citicon opens with a tearful speech from Sandy where she appeals to backers to think on the deep social connections they've forged by buying theoretical spaceships together, hypes Star Citizen as the pinnacle of human endeavour. This all sounds like a resignation and she's given going-away flowers, but doesn't leave.
gently caress you, Derek #1: "Anonymous hate campaign" + Look how much Sandy's underlings like her She also drops that she and Chris are married and this has "never been a secret" which is untrue.

Chris waddles on stage and mumbles through his nose and giggles, after showing how many devblog programs they've made the first thing he does is show off how many people he has working for him to disprove allegations of shrinking studio sizes. (gently caress you, Derek #2)
Chris lists the only stuff that is probably coming out soon, and its basically two weapons and buggies and the ability to respawn after you die.

After months of delays Star Marine is quietly scrapped and the development process is reversed and is no longer modular, now they're going to combine all the modules into one alpha to be released at an undisclosed time. gently caress You, Derek #3: "Everyone always yells at me when I give you release dates so I won't anymore."

Chris manages to fail at Powerpoint and can't make the next slide work.
Chris declares the alpha map to be the biggest ever in a game but compares it with Daggerfall and Skyrim rather than Elite, EVE or No Man's Sky which are much larger.

At some point they show off the state of this combined alpha, which is basically the multicrew demo from earlier roughly combined with the Star Marine module, it still looks very choppy and extremely pre-alpha, tellingly in a 4v4 firefight none of the shooting is captured on camera.
From the looks of it its entirely possible to lose whole space systems by not being good enough at FPSes. This is the only "gameplay" shown in the whole presentation, and involves mostly walking and some taking off, travelling and landing in space ships, ostensibly some people shooting assault rifles and then getting back in a ship.

A guy introduces a neat map app thats actually available now in browser and seems to work, making it the most polished game to come out of the kickstarter so far. You can plan your space camping trip routes in a game that won't exist for 2 years maybe never. The guy running the demo nearly dies from stage fright.

Chris talks about a night club called the Million Mile High Club where presumably people will gently caress eachother in space. This will probably also come out in some form, since its just a map people can walk around in, will support up to 25 players lol habbo hotel tech.

Some other guy intros an unpriced super joystick/keyboard/throttle addon that looks like hot dogshit but the guy doing the presentation is the only human that comes on stage for the whole thing. Chris fucks up at the reveal at every opportunity continuing the trend of Chris not being able to do anything.

They intro the Referral program with a video made by the one man who doesn't know how to say referral. The new "refral" program basically encourages faithful Citizens to recruit new players to buy this nonexistant game or buy 25 new accounts to get themselves a gaudy gold ship skin.
Possibly before this they announce a new ship that is totally the Vindicator, but has been renamed the Saber and sliced $5 off the price. (gently caress you, Derek #4)
They also announce a new $2500 military ship pack to go with Squadron42.

Halfway through the event and Chris is now just going to talk about Squadron 42 for the next hour, everyone is super excited to see what they have to show.

They have videos of the motion cap studio they set up themselves and reveal that Gary Oldman is in it and show a trailer showing CG Gary Oldman doing an old man voice with a muppet mouth before bragging about their facial animation in another video. They reveal a bunch of celebrities such as Scully, Luke Skywalker and Gimli are also in it as well as Sandi Gardiner. In brief interviews Gary Oldman looks guarded or despondant and compares Chris to Lucas.

They show us the first Squadron 42 gameplay ever revealed and its one big walking cutscene where they tour the ship and nothing else happens, the voices and perfomances are okay but this... isn't a game and there are bugs everywhere even for this one slice they have made, the first guy you see's hair takes 10 seconds to appear, another guy has a luminous mouth like his soul is trying to escape. All the black characters are carrying luggage or cargo in the background.
The animations range from decent mocap to shockingly rudimentary. Release date is set as 2016 which is laughable for anyone watching.

Chris goes loving mental for like 25 minutes about how many hours of cutscenes the game has and how huge its script is and it becomes chillingly apparent to everyone he's just found a way to reignite his hollywood dreams off the backs of nerds with poor judgement.
He gets an underling to bring him the script and then throws it on the floor to show how huge it is, then turns around and leaves him to pick it up, then realises he's supposed to be pretending to be nice and squawks out an apology and does his weird Hyih Hyih giggle.

Cake Time! CIG make a final bid to fill time and distract people from the fact the game doesn't exist and they showed 10 minutes of gameplay and they just told everyone none of the stuff they've been waiting for is coming out and they're going to have to indefinitly wait for an alpha that currently doesn't exist in any releaseable way.
They have brought a big birthday cake and they try and figure out a way to get the cake on a table from where it is 4 feet to the right to centre stage, which takes an army of techies and employees much hemming and hawing.
A put-upon looking stage assistant lights the candles as Chris giggles and introduces his all male, all white staff. "Happy Birthday, Star Citizen" they sing. The cake has 3 candles on it because its 3 years since the dream of Star Citizen and Star Citizen is just a dream.
Chris tries to blow out the candles and sprays spit all over them with a big ol' raspberry.
Chris makes two tentative cuts to the cake, asking the whole time how you cut cake and apologising like a man who has never seen a cake nor indeed a knife before.
Chris gives up immediately, nobody is getting any cake because he just can't figure this out, he tells the techies to cut the cake but then decides against it and announces the show is over.

I now know why I was put here on this earth, it was to make the longest post about Star Citizen nobody will ever want to read.

I'm not a big fan of copy/posting but am abit sick Sneeze today and am not up to fighting the battle.
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