The Incredible But True Story of Christopher Robin Incubus
February 16, 2001
by jason "loonyboi" bergman

(As told to Jason "loonyboi" Bergman by Clive Barker)

loonyboi: There's a story about you that I've been trying to find out the truth behind for about ten years now. Every time I've heard it, it's been one of those "friend of a friend" type things, so I've started to think it's an urban legend. There's a story that says you were at a signing in New York, and one of your fans sliced open their hand, held it out to you and you signed your book in his blood.

Clive Barker: Here's what happened. It's important you get the facts right. I was at Forbidden Planet [a comic book, sci-fi and horror store in New York city], it was raining very hard, and I had a huge crowd. [The signing was for] a Simon & Schuster book, so it was perhaps the Damnation Game...no, it was a Putnam book. A fellow comes up to me, a very good looking young man, so I noticed him. And he was very wet. He was wearing a T-shirt soaked to the skin, and he had beautiful tattoos on his arms. And I said, "those are beautiful." Oh, I know what the book was, it was Cabal - and he gave me Cabal, so it was Simon & Schuster. And he passed it over to me and said, "could you sign this" and I said "yes" and "who should I sign it to?" He said, "would you sign it to Christopher Robin Incubus." Which should have given me a clue right there.

Anyway, I looked up at him and said, "those really are wonderful tattoos." He looked down as I signed and said, "this is for you." I looked up and he took a straight razor and he cut open his tattoos. And my security men had already gone because we'd been signing for four hours. And my loving fans...fled. I was sitting here at the table and Christopher Robin Incubus was standing with a razor and blood pouring out of his arm. I said, "do you want that in your book?" He said, "yes." So I took his arm, and I put my hand [on it]. There was blood right there, and I gave him a huge Clive Barker hand print in his book. I signed it, and the medics took him away.

There is a follow-up: he appeared again at another signing, even more tattooed than he had ever been before. He came up, he didn't have a book, looking a little older, but still looking good. And took my hand, and kissed the inside of my palm and left. And that's the true story.