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Out of the Blue

Happy System Administrator Appreciation Day. "A special day, once a year, to acknowledge the worthiness and appreciation of the person occupying the role, especially as it is often this person who really keeps the wheels of your company turning."

R.I.P.: Francis Crick, 1916 – 2004. "The man who helped discover the secret of life is dead." Thanks Mike Martinez.

Play Time: How Many Words-Per-Minute Do You Read? 500-550 here (probably my best skill).
Link of the Day: preparingforemergencies.co.uk. Thanks Sunlight.
Stories of the Day: Eating candy a U.S. capital offence.
Cat droppings yield chic coffee.
Pre-Incan brewery found in Andes.
Science!: Electric cars that pay.
Brain not body makes athletes feel tired.
No Anti-Fat Bullet. Duh.
Image of the Day: Just Like Many Battlefield Drivers. Thanks Ant.
Itty Bitty Bible. Thanks Ant.
Auction of the Day: CDGoRound.com Online Music and Trading Community. Thanks Late.
Follow-ups: Study Lends Support to Mad Cow Theory (registration required).
U.S. mad cow testing criticized.
Clone Steak Safe, Unless It Isn't.
Thanks Mike Martinez

View
58. System Administrator Appreciation Day Jul 30, 2004, 14:44 JM
 
Advice to employees on the proper use of the System Administrator's valuable time

(In following examples, we will substitute the name "Ted" as the System Administrator)

  • Play with all the wires you can find. If you can't find enough, open something up to expose them. After you have finished, and nothing works anymore, put it all back together and call Ted. Deny that you touched anything and that it was working perfectly only five minutes ago. Ted just loves a good mystery. For added effect you can keep looking over his shoulder and ask what each wire is for.

  • Never write down error messages. Just click OK, or restart your computer. Ted likes to guess what the error message was.

  • When talking about your computer, use terms like "Thingy" and "Big Connector."

  • If you get an EXE file in an email attachment, open it immediately. Ted likes to make sure the anti-virus software is working properly.

  • When Ted says he coming right over, log out and go for coffee. It's no problem for him to remember your password.

  • When you call Ted to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under a year-old pile of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, unpaid bills, bowling trophies and Popsicle sticks. Ted doesn't have a life, and he finds it deeply moving to catch a glimpse of yours.

  • When Ted sends you an email marked as "Highly Important" or "Action Required", delete it at once. He's probably just testing some new-fangled email software.

  • When Ted's eating lunch at his desk or in the lunchroom, walk right in, grab a few of his fries, then spill your guts and expect him to respond immediately. Ted lives to serve, and he's always ready to think about fixing computers, especially yours.

  • When Ted's at the water cooler or outside taking a breath of fresh air, find him and ask him a computer question. The only reason he takes breaks at all is to ferret out all those employees who don't have email or a telephone.

  • Send urgent email ALL IN UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

  • When the photocopier doesn't work, call Ted. There's electronics in it, so it should be right up his alley.

  • When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at your home computer, call Ted. He enjoys fixing telephone problems from remote locations. Especially on weekends.

  • When something goes wrong with your home PC, dump it on Ted's chair the next morning with no name, no phone number, and no description of the problem. Ted just loves a good mystery.

  • When you have Ted on the phone walking you through changing a setting on your PC, read the newspaper. Ted doesn't actually mean for you to DO anything. He just loves to hear himself talk.

  • When your company offers training on an upcoming OS upgrade, don't bother to sign up. Ted will be there to hold your hand when the time comes.

  • When the printer won't print, re-send the job 20 times in rapid succession. That should do the trick.

  • When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all the printers in the office. One of them is bound to work.

  • Don't use online help. Online help is for wimps.

  • Don't read the operator's manual. Manuals are for wussies.

  • If you're taking night classes in computer science, feel free to demonstrate your fledgling expertise by updating the network drivers for you and all your co-workers. Ted will be grateful for the overtime when he has to stay until 2:30am fixing all of them.

  • When Ted's fixing your computer at a quarter past one, eat your Whopper with cheese in his face. He functions better when he's slightly dizzy from hunger.

  • When Ted asks you whether you've installed any new software on your computer, LIE. It's no one else's business what you've got on your computer.

  • If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the monitor and stuff the cable under it. Those skinny Mouse cables were designed to have 55 lbs. of computer monitor crushing them.

  • If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame Ted for not upgrading it sooner. Hell, it's not your fault there's a half pound of pizza crust crumbs, nail clippings, and big sticky drops of Mountain Dew under the keys.

  • When you get the message saying "Are you sure?", click the "Yes" button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you?

  • Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that boneheaded computer crap." It never bothers Ted to hear his area of professional expertise referred to as boneheaded crap.

  • Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. God forbid somebody else should sneak a one-page job in between your 500-page Word document.

  • When you send that 500-page document to the printer, don't bother to check if the printer has enough paper. That's Ted's job.

  • When Ted calls you 30 minutes later and tells you that the printer printed 24 pages of your 500-page document before it ran out of paper, and there are now nine other jobs in the queue behind yours, ask him why he didn't bother to add more paper.

  • When you receive a 130 MB movie file, send it to everyone as a high-priority mail attachment. Ted's provided plenty of disk space and processor capacity on the new mail server for just those kinds of important things.

  • When you bump into Ted in the grocery store on a Sunday afternoon, ask him computer questions. He works 24/7, and is always thinking about computers, even when he's at super-market buying toilet paper and doggie treats.

  • If your son is a student in computer science, have him come in on the weekends and do his projects on your office computer. Ted will be there for you when your son's illegal copy of Visual Basic 6.0 makes the Access database keel over and die.

  • When you bring Ted your own "no-name" brand PC to repair for free at the office, tell him how urgently he needs to fix it so you can get back to playing EverQuest. He'll get on it right away, because everyone knows he doesn't do anything all day except surf the Internet.

  • Don't ever thank Ted. He loves fixing everything AND getting paid for it!


  • This comment was edited on Jul 30, 15:08.
     
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      1. Jul 30, 10:48 Reading test... TheWart
      2. Jul 30, 10:59 No subject nin
      3. Jul 30, 11:07  Re: No subject Bronco
      5. Jul 30, 11:10   Re: No subject nin
      6. Jul 30, 11:15    Re: No subject Ihya
      124. Jul 30, 21:48     Rosalind Franklin Shadowcat
      8. Jul 30, 11:16    Re: No subject Skookum
      7. Jul 30, 11:15  Re: No subject nin
      9. Jul 30, 11:17   Re: No subject complicity
      10. Jul 30, 11:24    Re: No subject nin
      11. Jul 30, 11:29     Re: No subject Kevlar
      12. Jul 30, 11:30      Re: No subject nin
      14. Jul 30, 11:35     Re: Books vs Movies Zathrus
      17. Jul 30, 11:50      Re: Books vs Movies Ihya
      18. Jul 30, 12:05       Re: Books vs Movies DDI
      20. Jul 30, 12:12        Re: Books vs Movies Bronco
      22. Jul 30, 12:15         Re: Books vs Movies banddirector
      23. Jul 30, 12:20          Re: Books vs Movies Bronco
      26. Jul 30, 12:26           Re: Books vs Movies banddirector
      27. Jul 30, 12:27           Re: Books vs Movies nin
      29. Jul 30, 12:36            Re: Books vs Movies JosephBlowski
      31. Jul 30, 12:48             Re: Books vs Movies Grasman
      35. Jul 30, 13:20              Re: Books vs Movies Propagandhi
      32. Jul 30, 12:50            Re: Books vs Movies tron
      36. Jul 30, 13:30             Re: Books vs Movies nin
      39. Jul 30, 13:33              Re: Books vs Movies Halsy
      55. Jul 30, 14:39               Re: Books vs Movies Enahs
      70. Jul 30, 16:06               Re: Books vs Movies Ray Marden
      43. Jul 30, 13:50              Re: Books vs Movies Heather
      34. Jul 30, 13:15         Re: Books vs Movies Halsy
      38. Jul 30, 13:32          Re: Books vs Movies Bronco
      46. Jul 30, 14:01          Re: Books vs Movies Zathrus
      40. Jul 30, 13:41         Re: Books vs Movies Zathrus
      41. Jul 30, 13:43          Re: Books vs Movies Heather
      42. Jul 30, 13:47           Re: Books vs Movies nin
      44. Jul 30, 13:51            Re: Books vs Movies tron
      45. Jul 30, 13:57            Re: Books vs Movies Josh
      50. Jul 30, 14:19             Re: Books vs Movies Zathrus
      59. Jul 30, 14:56              Re: Books vs Movies Scottish Martial Arts
      60. Jul 30, 15:03               Re: Books vs Movies Bronco
      64. Jul 30, 15:30                Re: Books vs Movies nin
      68. Jul 30, 15:53                 Re: Books vs Movies Ray Marden
      73. Jul 30, 16:22                 Re: Books vs Movies Bronco
      76. Jul 30, 17:07                  Re: Books vs Movies Ray Marden
      65. Jul 30, 15:33               Re: Books vs Movies Zathrus
      71. Jul 30, 16:09                Re: Books vs Movies Bronco
      72. Jul 30, 16:15                 Re: Books vs Movies nin
      74. Jul 30, 16:30                 Re: Books vs Movies Halsy
      77. Jul 30, 17:13                  Edit: Deleted (Double post - N/T) Ray Marden
      78. Jul 30, 17:13                  Re: Books vs Movies Ray Marden
      75. Jul 30, 16:33                 Re: Books vs Movies Bunko
      80. Jul 30, 18:13              Re: Books vs Movies indiv
      86. Jul 30, 18:33               Re: Books vs Movies Halsy
      94. Jul 30, 18:49                Re: Books vs Movies indiv
      96. Jul 30, 18:51                 Re: Books vs Movies Halsy
      99. Jul 30, 19:01                  Re: Books vs Movies indiv
      100. Jul 30, 19:43                   Re: Books vs Movies Fang
      101. Jul 30, 19:51                    Re: Books vs Movies tron
      105. Jul 30, 20:22                     Re: Books vs Movies Halsy
      106. Jul 30, 20:35                      Re: Books vs Movies tron
      107. Jul 30, 20:38                       Re: Books vs Movies banddirector
      109. Jul 30, 20:46                        Re: Books vs Movies Bronco
      112. Jul 30, 20:55                         Re: Books vs Movies Ray Marden
      114. Jul 30, 21:02                          Re: Books vs Movies tron
      117. Jul 30, 21:35                           Re: Books vs Movies Ray Marden
      123. Jul 30, 21:46                            Re: Books vs Movies tron
      116. Jul 30, 21:32                      Re: Books vs Movies Fang
      121. Jul 30, 21:43                       Re: Books vs Movies Halsy
      159. Jul 31, 01:04                        Re: Books vs Movies Fang
      104. Jul 30, 20:13                   Re: Books vs Movies Halsy
      111. Jul 30, 20:52                    Re: Books vs Movies indiv
      122. Jul 30, 21:44                     Re: Books vs Movies Halsy
      128. Jul 30, 22:23                      Re: Books vs Movies indiv
      129. Jul 30, 22:25                      Re: Books vs Movies Bunko
      133. Jul 30, 22:32                       Re: Books vs Movies Bronco
      135. Jul 30, 22:37                        Re: Books vs Movies Bunko
      136. Jul 30, 22:40                         Re: Books vs Movies tron
      137. Jul 30, 22:47                          Re: Books vs Movies Bunko
      67. Jul 30, 15:52            Re: Books vs Movies Ray Marden
      47. Jul 30, 14:02          WAS: Books vs Movies Bronco
      48. Jul 30, 14:11           Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Josh
      51. Jul 30, 14:20            Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Sphinx
      69. Jul 30, 15:57            Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Halsy
      79. Jul 30, 17:41             Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Scottish Martial Arts
      82. Jul 30, 18:22              Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Halsy
      85. Jul 30, 18:29               Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Josh
      91. Jul 30, 18:47                Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Halsy
      180. Jul 31, 15:36                 Halsy Warhawk
      181. Aug 1, 02:47                  Re: Warhawk NSi
      185. Aug 1, 15:38                   Re: Warhawk Warhawk
      186. Aug 1, 16:10                    Re: Warhawk JediLuke
      187. Aug 1, 17:44                     Re: Warhawk Warhawk
      188. Aug 1, 18:02                      Re: Warhawk JediLuke
      190. Aug 2, 00:33                       Re: Warhawk Warhawk
      193. Aug 2, 02:56                        Re: Warhawk JediLuke
      196. Aug 2, 12:54                         Re: Warhawk Warhawk
      197. Aug 2, 14:47                          Re: Warhawk Warhawk
      199. Aug 2, 15:02                           Re: Warhawk JediLuke
      200. Aug 2, 18:56                            Re: Warhawk Josh
      203. Aug 3, 07:15                             Re: Warhawk Josh
      204. Aug 3, 17:35                              Re: Warhawk JediLuke
      205. Aug 4, 04:28                               Re: Warhawk Muscular Beaver
      206. Aug 4, 16:54                                Re: Warhawk JediLuke
      207. Aug 4, 17:41                                 Re: Warhawk JoeCool
      208. Aug 4, 18:24                                  Re: Warhawk Josh
      209. Aug 4, 18:34                                   Re: Warhawk JediLuke
      210. Aug 4, 21:47                                   Re: Warhawk Josh
      211. Aug 4, 22:42                                    Re: Warhawk JediLuke
      212. Aug 4, 23:51                                     Re: Warhawk NSi
      213. Aug 5, 07:12                                    Re: Warhawk Josh
      201. Aug 2, 19:08                            Re: Warhawk NSi
      202. Aug 2, 20:08                            Re: Warhawk JoeCool
      198. Aug 2, 14:55                          Re: Warhawk JediLuke
      189. Aug 2, 00:32                      Re: Warhawk NSi
      191. Aug 2, 01:16                       Re: Warhawk Warhawk
      192. Aug 2, 02:46                        Re: Warhawk NSi
      195. Aug 2, 12:25                         Re: Warhawk Warhawk
      182. Aug 1, 11:14                  Re: Halsy mag
      183. Aug 1, 14:42                   Re: Halsy FourPak
      184. Aug 1, 15:29                    Re: Halsy JediLuke
      194. Aug 2, 09:43                     Re: Halsy Bronco
      108. Jul 30, 20:42               Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Scottish Martial Arts
      120. Jul 30, 21:41                Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Halsy
      141. Jul 30, 23:27                 Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Scottish Martial Arts
      138. Jul 30, 22:49               reason why JosephBlowski
      139. Jul 30, 23:01                Halsy JoeCool
      179. Jul 31, 15:21               Re: Halsy Warhawk
      81. Jul 30, 18:22             Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Tango
      83. Jul 30, 18:24             Re: WAS: Books vs Movies indiv
      87. Jul 30, 18:35              Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Halsy
      88. Jul 30, 18:44               Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Josh
      92. Jul 30, 18:47                Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Josh
      93. Jul 30, 18:49                 Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Josh
      97. Jul 30, 18:52                  Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Josh
      98. Jul 30, 18:56                  Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Halsy
      102. Jul 30, 20:01                   Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Enahs
      103. Jul 30, 20:08                    Re: WAS: Books vs Movies tron
      113. Jul 30, 20:58                     seivoM sv skooB :SAW :eR Ray Marden
      110. Jul 30, 20:47                    Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Bronco
      151. Jul 31, 00:35                     Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Enahs
      152. Jul 31, 00:46                      Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Ray Marden
      153. Jul 31, 00:49                       Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Scottish Martial Arts
      155. Jul 31, 00:53                        Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Ray Marden
      156. Jul 31, 00:57                         Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Scottish Martial Arts
      157. Jul 31, 01:02                          Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Ray Marden
      160. Jul 31, 01:15                           Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Scottish Martial Arts
      162. Jul 31, 01:17                            Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Ray Marden
      163. Jul 31, 01:23                             Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Scottish Martial Arts
      164. Jul 31, 01:26                              Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Scottish Martial Arts
      166. Jul 31, 01:30                               Re: WAS: Books vs Movies tron
      167. Jul 31, 01:33                                Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Scottish Martial Arts
      168. Jul 31, 01:35                                Re: WAS: Books vs Movies JoeCool
      169. Jul 31, 01:39                                 Re: WAS: Books vs Movies tron
      170. Jul 31, 01:43                                  Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Ray Marden
      171. Jul 31, 01:46                                   Re: WAS: Books vs Movies JoeCool
      173. Jul 31, 01:52                                    Re: WAS: Books vs Movies tron
      177. Jul 31, 03:42                                  Re: WAS: Books vs Movies NSi
      178. Jul 31, 10:26                                   Re: WAS: Books vs Movies tron
      172. Jul 31, 01:51                               Re: WAS: Books vs Movies tron
      174. Jul 31, 01:57                                Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Scottish Martial Arts
      175. Jul 31, 02:07                                 Re: WAS: Books vs Movies JoeCool
      161. Jul 31, 01:17                           Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Bunko
      165. Jul 31, 01:29                            Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Scottish Martial Arts
      176. Jul 31, 02:21                             Re: WAS: Books vs Movies nin
      154. Jul 31, 00:51                       Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Enahs
      90. Jul 30, 18:46               Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Inexorable
      84. Jul 30, 18:26             Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Josh
      89. Jul 30, 18:45              Re: WAS: Books vs Movies Halsy
      49. Jul 30, 14:15           No Thunderbirds? Fang
      52. Jul 30, 14:25            Re: No Thunderbirds? nin
      61. Jul 30, 15:11             Re: No Thunderbirds? Ray Marden
      53. Jul 30, 14:31           Re: Books vs Movies Zathrus
      54. Jul 30, 14:33            Re: Books vs Movies nin
      56. Jul 30, 14:42         Re: Books vs Movies 7.62WorldOrder
      66. Jul 30, 15:51         Re: Books vs Movies Tony Z
      13. Jul 30, 11:33  Re: Books vs Movies Zathrus
      16. Jul 30, 11:49   Re: Books vs Movies nin
      19. Jul 30, 12:11    O.T. banddirector
      24. Jul 30, 12:20     Re: O.T. nin
      25. Jul 30, 12:24     Re: O.T. complicity
      28. Jul 30, 12:28      Re: O.T. banddirector
      33. Jul 30, 12:54       Re: O.T. tron
      37. Jul 30, 13:31        Hamsters and Balloon F-bombs FourPak
      15. Jul 30, 11:44  Re: No subject tron
      57. Jul 30, 14:44  Re: No subject Ray Marden
      4. Jul 30, 11:08 Re: reading test KezClone
      21. Jul 30, 12:15 requiring help complicity
      30. Jul 30, 12:39 No subject Ronin
    >> 58. Jul 30, 14:44 System Administrator Appreciation Day JM
      62. Jul 30, 15:13 UPS Taulin
      63. Jul 30, 15:28 wpm Moog Operator
      95. Jul 30, 18:49 Ignore function... Halsy
      115. Jul 30, 21:12 Read this - very important Bronco
      118. Jul 30, 21:39  Edit: Deleted (Double post - N/T) Ray Marden
      119. Jul 30, 21:39  Re: Read this - very important Ray Marden
      125. Jul 30, 21:50   Re: Read this - very important Bronco
      127. Jul 30, 22:20    Re: Read this - very important Ray Marden
      132. Jul 30, 22:31     Re: Read this - very important Bronco
      134. Jul 30, 22:35      Re: Read this - very important Ray Marden
      126. Jul 30, 22:02  Re: Read this - very important Gandhi
      130. Jul 30, 22:29   Re: Read this - very important Bronco
      131. Jul 30, 22:30 Friday Night at the Movies Bunko
      140. Jul 30, 23:23 P..lease....must........ha...ve......... Ray Marden
      142. Jul 30, 23:38  Re: P..lease....must........ha...ve......... tron
      143. Jul 30, 23:39   Re: P..lease....must........ha...ve..... Scottish Martial Arts
      144. Jul 30, 23:41    Re: P..lease....must........ha...ve..... JoeCool
      147. Jul 30, 23:43     Re: P..lease....must........ha...ve..... Ray Marden
      149. Jul 30, 23:58     Re: P..lease....must........ha...ve..... Ray Marden
      150. Jul 31, 00:24      Re: P..lease....must........ha...ve..... Scottish Martial Arts
      158. Jul 31, 01:03       Re: P..lease....must........ha...ve..... JosephBlowski
      145. Jul 30, 23:41    Re: P..lease....must........ha...ve..... tron
      146. Jul 30, 23:42    Re: P..lease....must........ha...ve..... Ray Marden
      148. Jul 30, 23:43     Re: P..lease....must........ha...ve..... tron


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