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User information for Lazarus Long

Real Name Lazarus Long   
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Nickname Burrito of Peace
Email Concealed by request - Send Mail
ICQ None given.
Homepage http://
Signed On Jul 8, 2004, 17:03
Total Comments 1815 (Pro)
User ID 21247
User comment history
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News Comments > Dragon Age: Inquisition PC Patch Tomorrow
54. Re: Dragon Age: Inquisition PC Patch Tomorrow Dec 8, 2014, 14:47 Burrito of Peace
Regarding the romance sub-game:

Look, I get this is an allegorical pre-Christian dominated western Europe. However, it is just that...pre-Christian. What's with the narrow, near puritanical ideals of "romance"?

For example, the whole romance sub-game absolutely insists on monogamy (that I have thus far experienced and saw in DA1 and DA2) yet there's Orlais, which is clearly based around 18th century enlightened France. As such, why can't I have a three-way with Vivienne and Justine? ESPECIALLY since it's really damn clear that Justine has character traits from De Sade's Justine character! Those two would absolutely be down with that since they're both nobility (as compared to the common schlubs in the rest of the game).

The whole mechanism seems forced and designed by someone who is incredibly sexually inexperienced or a 14 year old. It reeks of Harlequin romance novels and overwrought emotional Hallmark spew.
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News Comments > Steam Top 10
5. Re: Steam Top 10 Dec 7, 2014, 16:08 Burrito of Peace
I think it could be argued that, as a single title, Skyrim is one of the most, if not the most, successful RPGs of all time. It's funny how people respond when you don't make the game an on-rails narrative, create a fascinating and massively open world and fill it with locations and lore that make you, the gamer, want to go back time and again. Also, making it incredibly easy to mod was a big plus as well.  
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News Comments > Dying Light Trailer
5. Re: Dying Light Trailer Dec 7, 2014, 10:29 Burrito of Peace
Wait...THAT'S the game that wanted to require 8GB of RAM and recommended 16? For THAT???? Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

It looks no better than Far Cry 3, the music is a straight up, Russian quality ripoff of the Mission Impossible score and the characters/storyline are Generic Evil Eastern European Gang Guy BUT WITH ZOMBIES AND MIRROR'S EDGE! OMGWTFBBQ! THIS IS TEH GREATUST GAME EVAR!!!!

The only thing this is pushing is stupid people to cough up cash for yet another Techland crapfest.

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News Comments > King's Quest Trailer
4. Re: King's Quest Trailer Dec 7, 2014, 10:20 Burrito of Peace
007Bistromath wrote on Dec 7, 2014, 03:57:
...but by today's standards, Roberta Williams is kind of a hack all RPG narrative writers are hacks.

FTFY. Pretty much all the Western RPGs we love were knockoffs, re-imaginings or straight out retellings of Tolkein, Howard, Burroughs, Miller, Scalzi, Heinlein, Asimov or Haldeman.

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News Comments > No Man's Sky Trailer
32. Re: No Man's Sky Trailer Dec 7, 2014, 10:10 Burrito of Peace
Why isn't nin in here cheering the shit out of this game?  
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News Comments > Morning Consolidation
3. Re: Morning Consolidation Dec 5, 2014, 22:45 Burrito of Peace
BitWraith wrote on Dec 5, 2014, 09:53:
Man, Elder Scrolls ONline hans't come to consoles yet? I'm pretty sure that ship has sailed and since crashed into a glacier.

Shit, they already rescued Kate Winslet and let James Cameron make a movie about it.
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News Comments > Dying Light Specs Scaled Back
7. Re: Dying Light Specs Scaled Back Dec 5, 2014, 22:39 Burrito of Peace
You know, I've got 32GBs of memory and even I thought the 16GB recommendation was stupidly asinine.

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News Comments > Dying Light Steep Specs Revealed
18. Re: Dying Light Steep Specs Revealed Dec 4, 2014, 21:40 Burrito of Peace
The Half Elf wrote on Dec 4, 2014, 21:34:
Some of us actually LIKED the original 360 controller. Those of us who don't have tiny hands


Only those with the hands of a Frenchman or a little girl liked the S controller.
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News Comments > Game Reviews
25. Re: Game Reviews Dec 4, 2014, 09:01 Burrito of Peace
Wowbagger_TIP wrote on Dec 3, 2014, 22:31:
The combat in DA2 is primarily what killed it for me. Damned enemies just dropping out of nowhere into the middle of your formation all the time pretty much destroyed the idea of tactical combat decisions.

First, thanks to all of you who pointed me in the right direction to getting out of the Hinterlands. I made it to Fallow Mire last night and that was a far more interesting locale. I picked up a nifty axe and a new friend and the veillight beacon puzzle was pretty interesting.

Now, to address that quote...that's still happening in DA:I. One of the things I noticed while stuck in the Hinterlands is that I would be running along and then suddenly BAM...Templars! They would literally just pop-in as they were spawned. Some groups I came across and could see a ways off, which I would expect, but this was obviously a late triggered spawn that threw enemies directly in the middle of my group.
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News Comments > Evening Legal Briefs
3. Re: Evening Legal Briefs Dec 3, 2014, 22:21 Burrito of Peace
As a taxpayer, I'd rather see states cut pork projects, graft, corruption and go back to open public bids instead of giving contracts to their buddies and getting kickbacks.

Once the state government can get its own house in order and stop squandering the tax money it rakes in annually, THEN it can whine and cry about tax revenue from online sales.

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News Comments > Evening Interviews
8. Re: Evening Interviews Dec 3, 2014, 22:18 Burrito of Peace
Iesu Christi! That woman looks like a member of the D-list squad from a seedy strip joint.

If you want to be treated as a professional, you need to present yourself as a professional.
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News Comments > Game Reviews
19. Re: Dragon Age: Inquisition Dec 3, 2014, 22:13 Burrito of Peace
MoreLuckThanSkill wrote on Dec 3, 2014, 20:51:
Based on professional reviews as well as the Bluesnews ones, I feel rather pleased to be waiting for DA:I to drop in price and get some patches, before I drop some coin on it.

Thanks again, early adopters!

Whatever makes your smug ass sleep better at night.
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News Comments > Game Reviews
15. Re: Dragon Age: Inquisition Dec 3, 2014, 14:13 Burrito of Peace
Creston wrote on Dec 3, 2014, 14:00:
It's not the most intuitive system in the world, especially since previous games kind of made you stay in areas and do all the quests since you'd never be able to go back.

Exactly! Which was why I had been toiling in the Hinterlands for so long.
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News Comments > Game Reviews
14. Re: Game Reviews Dec 3, 2014, 14:12 Burrito of Peace
Verno wrote on Dec 3, 2014, 12:37:
It was really shallow/repetitive and the writing was substandard IMO. They had 18 months to make it and it really showed. I never liked how hamfisted the plot setup was for the Mage-Templar conflict but DA:I does a pretty good job with the aftermath here.

I can see your point about the set pieces but my willing suspension of disbelief allowed me to rationalize that I was in and around Kirkwall because the city was under near complete lockdown. As such, I knew I would be running back and forth to Lowtown and whatnot.

I disagree that the writing was substandard. To me, it was no less hackneyed and uninspired than the first one. In the first one you have a rogue Jedi Knight Grey Warden pick up the lone wolf protege to fight the Sith forces of Sauromon Darkspawn before they trigger the Rapture the Apocalypse the end of all humanity humans, elves, dwarves and Qunari. Of course, you have the subplots of King Arthur Alistair being crowned the King of Britain Ferelden and Merlin Flemeth and her daughter Morgan Le Fey Morrigan who, surely by just coincidence, is a constant thorn in the side of Arthur Alistair. Which, of course, is by no means as important as finding The Holy Grain the Ashes of Andraste.

Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed the first two games tremendously but they weren't exactly pinnacles of writing and creativity.

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News Comments > Game Reviews
12. Re: Dragon Age: Inquisition Dec 3, 2014, 13:53 Burrito of Peace
Creston wrote on Dec 3, 2014, 13:45:
The Hinterlands is the tutorial zone. The quests are boring, the monsters are easy, you only have 2 of the most boring party members available (varric becomes better when he doesn't have to try to work off Cassandra and Solas) and it's really not very thrilling.

Unless someone had told me, I didn't know you could bail out of the Hinterlands without fulfilling all the (seemingly) mainline quests thrown at you. One of the first thing that is said is "Help the refugees and establish the Inquisition". This game has done a terrible job of telling you "OK, you're good to go here...move along". Especially when you go back to Haven, meet with the diplomat for example, and they're still talking about things that need to be done where you're already at.

It could just be me, but I got the impression that I was not done with the Hinterlands yet and that I needed to wrap up all the shit I had outstanding there. I'll move along when I get home but, so far, I am deeply unimpressed with this effort.
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News Comments > Target Halts Grand Theft Auto V Sales Down Under
31. Re: Target Halts Grand Theft Auto V Sales Down Under Dec 3, 2014, 13:42 Burrito of Peace
Wraith wrote on Dec 3, 2014, 13:04:
Yeah, the thing is, we banned semi-automatics and cut our gun massacres to zero.

That's because nobody wanted to kill you but you. It's the equivalent of claiming coup on a possum.
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News Comments > Target Halts Grand Theft Auto V Sales Down Under
21. Re: OZ Censorship is on a killing spree Dec 3, 2014, 12:32 Burrito of Peace
This is funny coming from a country where the national pasttime is beating the shit out of each other after drinking far, far too much and screaming insults at each other on the Parliament floor.  
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News Comments > Game Reviews
6. Re: Game Reviews Dec 3, 2014, 12:30 Burrito of Peace
I never really got the hate for DA2. I thought if fit perfectly fine within the DA narrative as a whole. It introduced some great characters and set up the mage-templar war that we're seeing now.  
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News Comments > Game Reviews
4. Re: Dragon Age: Inquisition Dec 3, 2014, 11:50 Burrito of Peace
NegaDeath wrote on Dec 3, 2014, 10:44:

It's a bit of a dumb design that this can happen but they're right, the game gets waaaay better when you leave. You only need to build up 4 "power" to leave.

<Screams in absolute fucking frustration and takes his 9 powered, level 3 Inquistion, level 9 character out of the Hinterlands>

That has go to be the absolute stupidest fucking starting area in any RPG ever, then. The exact OPPOSITE of the games that came prior.
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News Comments > Game Reviews
1. Dragon Age: Inquisition Dec 3, 2014, 09:58 Burrito of Peace
So I picked up DA:I over the Thanksgiving break and...I'm underwhelmed.

The in-game clock says I have about 9 hours of playtime in and I'm just not feeling it like I did with the first two. Cassandra is an absolute pill, Solas is some weird hippie Buddhist wannabe and even Varric seems to have lost his fun, amusing swagger and banter from DA2. I'm still in the Hinterlands, which is fine, but what is up with the quests? They all seem like they're ripped straight from a second tier MMO. Deliver this ring here, drop off this phylactery there, run this cough syrup back to Mom and please mine and loot the shit out of everything in sight because you, and only you, are apparently capable of outfitting this allegedly grand Inquisition army.

What, of the dozens or so people I have seen so far standing around in camps with their thumbs up their ass, NO ONE ELSE IS CAPABLE OF MAKING SOME FUCKING BLANKETS AND TENTS??? "Oh, hey, Herald of Andraste, look I know you're busy and all with closing these generic rift openings which are totes in no way direct ripoffs of the Oblivion Gates at all but I lost my puppy and I have a splinter in my pinky. Can you help me with those?" is absurd. Also, what the actual fuck do I have scouts for if I have to scout locations and set up scout camps?

And then there's the "crafting". Magically, I find "schematics" in pots sitting out in the middle of the wilderness that I have to then take back to a blacksmith who can't apparently forge a fucking thing without me gathering all the raw materials requirements, schematics and then sing him a lullaby before he'll actually make something worthwhile? Why the Hell is he even a blacksmith then? What is he actually smithing? Nails? Hinges? Cute little clasps for his diary?

What am I missing? Right now, this game feels like the worst of the series that was cobbled together out of a failed attempt at an instanced MMO with the DA name on it.

This comment was edited on Dec 3, 2014, 10:19.
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1815 Comments. 91 pages. Viewing page 6.
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