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| News Comments > Out of the Blue |
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| 3. |
A Quake Christmas |
Dec 19, 2002, 10:00 |
Weas |
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Hey Blue remember this? Emil from the Avault did it back in 99'.
A Quake Christmas...
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the base,
The scanners showed no signs of the alien race.
The bullets were placed in my chaingun with care,
In case Strogg invaders soon would be there.
The other marines nestled all snug in their pods,
Dreaming of gibbage and dark vengeful gods.
And I in my Kevlar, and official Quake 2 cap,
Had just settled down for a long cryo nap.
When out in the night there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my pod to see what was the matter.
I ran to the porthole, well shaded and sealed,
And cautiously turned off the magnetic shield.
The moon on the breast of the loosely packed mud,
Reminded me of Stroggos, and the puddles of blood.
When what in the sky should I get in my sights,
But a big hover sleigh and eight huge Parasites.
With a mountainous driver, whom I saw at a gander,
I knew that it must be a damned Tank Commander.
More rapid than lasers his coursers they came,
And he whipped them, and grunted, and called them by name.
"Now Slasher! Now Mincer! Now Pincer, and Mangler!
On Killer! On Ripper! On Gutter and Strangler!"
"To the top of the sandbags! To the top of the wall!"
"Move it, you maggots, or I'll slaughter you all!"
As starships that before a black hole should race,
When they meet with the deadliest hazard in space,
So down to the barracks the cyborgs they flew,
With a sleigh full of ammo and the Tank Commander too.
And then, in the courtyard, I gulped as I saw,
The gouging and scraping of each razor-sharp claw.
As I drew forth my blaster, and let out a call,
The giant Strogg bastard broke right through the wall.
He was dressed all in steel, both solid and mesh,
Held together by strips of grotesque human flesh.
A bundle of rockets he had flung on his back,
He could kill a small army with what he had in that sack.
His eyes -- how they gleamed!
"I must sound the alarms!"
This monster meant business,
He had cannons for arms!
His sly little mouth was drawn up in a grin,
And human blood dribbled all over his chin.
His guns issued smoke in a hypnotic pattern,
Encircling his head like the great rings of Saturn.
He had a broad face and a square, solid chest,
And a cybernetic heart pumping blood without rest.
He was muscular and frightening, a right evil old 'Borg,
With one thing on his mind -- sending me to the morgue.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Filled me with panic and horrible dread.
He spoke not a word but went right to the slaughter,
And my sleeping comrades became cannon fodder.
He killed all the soldiers with dual rockets blazing,
As I stood in horror my eyes blankly gazing.
The carnage complete, he strode back to the sleigh,
And I could do nothing but whimper and pray.
But I heard him say, as he flew out of sight,
"Merry Christmas, Hu-man. You got lucky tonight!"
Emil Pagliarulo
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| News Comments > Out of the Blue |
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| 17. |
Drug use down? |
Dec 17, 2002, 12:39 |
Weas |
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Yeah, well who can afford them in Bush's America? 2 million jobs and counting.
"No doubt, love, but as long as people are still having promiscuous sex with many anonymous partners without protection while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment, I'll be sound as a pound!"
-Austin Powers
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| News Comments > Splinter Cell Demo Planned |
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| 6. |
Re: Differences?? |
Dec 13, 2002, 19:23 |
Weas |
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#1) Most console games suck unless you're 12-16. All flash, no substance.
#2) PC games will always look better than consoles.
#3) People use PC's for other things besides just playing games.
#4) Consoles are moving into 2-3 year upgrade cycles now. Only another year and a half till PS3/XBOX2. Will you upgrade than? Guess you'll have to if you still want to play console games.
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| News Comments > Out of the Blue |
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| 19. |
Heat |
Dec 13, 2002, 13:56 |
Weas |
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Sugar works best for heat reduction. Throw in a tablespoon or two of sugar-needs to simmer for about 30 mins after it's stirred in-to reduce any hot food.
PS: Is there something really disturbing about that gender bending site, or is it just me?
"If somone put lima beans in my chili, I do believe I'd kill them"
-Rip Torn to Willie NElson in Songwriter
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| News Comments > Out of the Blue |
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| 7. |
Re: LOTT |
Dec 9, 2002, 11:57 |
Weas |
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Heh, that's pretty damn funny.
"Hey, you know where a guy can get a rub and a tug around here?"
- Donnie Shulzhoffer, Mystery Alaska
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| News Comments > Out of the Blue |
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| 17. |
Otto |
Dec 7, 2002, 16:44 |
Weas |
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Had the driver kept driving and got into an accident, that school board would be sued into bankruptcy.
Sad that the driver has to take the corporate line above the welfare of the kids.
"My name is Otto, and I love to get blotto!"
-Otto, The Simpsons.
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| News Comments > Turbine & Middle Earth Online? |
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| 9. |
Here we go... |
Dec 5, 2002, 17:52 |
Weas |
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Saw a post on VE that sums it up nicely...
This genre is stagnant as hell. Kill the fucking endless leveling treadmills, the camping, the hideously dull turn-based combat, the "tactics" that a 4-year-old could master.
Look. I don't want to camp the Gnoll Headmistress for the 10-inch dick that I have to turn in for my Monkmaster Headband. I don't want my combat to be "enhanced" by getting to hit a second button at a regular interval.
This genre hasn't even experienced the evolutionary development that brought Wolfenstein to Doom to Quake to Half-Life, Medal of Honor, and NOLF. It's the same game over and over with different settings. Everything's the Rise of the Triad or Pencil Whipped or what have you of the MMORPG genre.
Why am I ranting about this now? Because a real melee combat system could make this game amazing. A magic system that's interesting and changing, and isn't simply the exact same fucking spell with a different number every 4 levels, could make this game kick ass.
But no, the Gandalf of this game is going to cast Firebolt Lvl 3 for 27 points of damage. Frodo's going to have backstab. Aragorn may very well have a cool sword, but he's going to stand in one place and swing it repeatedly at the same orc for about 60 seconds. Well, at least Legolas will get dual wield.
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| News Comments > Out of the Blue |
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| 15. |
Laughter Therapist? |
Dec 4, 2002, 13:48 |
Weas |
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 Gimme' a friggin break. As a friend of mine always says "We could use a laugh. Show us your penis."
"Shut the fuck up!" by Dr. Denis Leary.
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305 Comments. 16 pages. Viewing page 9.
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