I would have bought a console to play if I could have hooked a keyboard and mouse to it to play. But it's not even an option.
I will buy a freaking bean lapboard to play it on the couch.
PCs used to play like consoles. With Quake, I and some clanmates consciously switched from key turning to being a "mouser", which turned much faster and also opened up up and down tilt of the weapon. You sucked again, then after a few weeks were better.
Splash damage shooting at the ground at the guy's feet, and then the miracle of rocket jumping.
Now it's all second nature. You won't make me go back. You won't!