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36. Re: Out of the Blue Nov 14, 2012, 00:22 Rigs
 
This was from yesterdays discussion, but since the thread will be falling off the page in around six hours and I wasn't able to get back here until now, I'll post this here instead...

xXBatmanXx wrote on Nov 13, 2012, 03:34:
*riases a beer*

Feel for you. My grandfather was a huge blow to my father, and actually a pretty large blow to myself as well, as I spent every summer from the age of 3 to 16 with my grandparents. My father and I are best buds - and I know he has issues with losing his father, as they argued for many years.

I can't even imagine losing him. We do so much together, even later in life now, we enjoy each others company and shenanigans. I could only hope to be as great of a man as him.

Thank you, Bats. I have to say I have/had a better relationship with my mother than my father, as we argued a lot but that's mainly because I can't keep my mouth shut sometimes. He was the kind of person that would give the shirt off his back to any stranger in need...but was sometimes extremely selfish in regards to his immediate family. I don't hold it against him. We're human. I know he would have done anything for me and indeed did put up with more than most would have during my turbulent teens and twenties. I became a father at 18 so the only person I had to go from was my own. I've tried to avoid some of the mistakes he had made but sometimes I feel like I'm doing what he did all over again and have to actually look myself in the mirror and say, 'No, you're going to get it right this time.'. I think your parents aren't only there to show you what kind of person you should be, but to show the mistakes one can make so you can avoid them when it becomes your turn. In that, he did remarkably well...whether he was trying or not...I don't know...

He was able to beat prostate cancer years ago only to fall to pancreatic cancer in six months, going from a healthy 220 to 90 pounds in that time. I was there on the last day and I'll never forget it. In a way, I hoped that he would let go because he was suffering so. He was in a drug-induced coma, so he didn't know what was going on anyway and couldn't say goodbye. I know that he would have wanted to come out of it to say good bye even if it would have been horrifically painful. It just all went too fast for that to happen.

His death came three years to the week of my sisters death, which occurred only one room over. She was only 42, but she had been sick for a number of years and between that and the 10+ drugs she was required to take multiple times a day, her body just gave out. My father blamed himself from then on for not doing enough for her even though there really was nothing to be done. For me, it was harder than it should have been because at the time, her and I weren't on speaking terms. So nothing got resolved. My only choice now is to let it go, when I learn how or to bury it, which is what I've done.

Mr. Tact wrote on Nov 13, 2012, 08:21:
We also spent a good portion of our time together arguing. However, my father's death was effectively a non-event for me. If I hadn't needed to do a 250 mile round trip to go pick up my sister from the airport I would have been doing my NFL Fantasy Draft the day after he died. My father died just over 5 years ago (9/1/07) and I doubt I've thought about him a dozen times since. *shrug*

Prez wrote on Nov 13, 2012, 05:13:
I say this not for pity, but to illustrate the point even further that if you have a good dad, please PLEASE appreciate him. If you lost him, be thankful that the memories you have of him are good ones. Those memories are something some of us will never have.

I'm sorry for you guys, not pity, just sorry that you couldn't have experienced what I did in my childhood. I would have friends who's households were completely alien to me and I would wonder how they functioned like they did but as I grew up I realized that they didn't know any other way, so it wasn't a shock or something they felt had to be changed. My parents did everything and anything they could for me and I feel obligated to do the same for them now that I can. My father made me promise to take care of my Mom and that's what I have tried to do. I had moved in with them after my divorce in 2004 and I haven't left since. They were retired/disabled and needed the help anyway so I feel more like a resident butler/groundskeeper than a adult child living in the basement (if we had one...lol)...

Creston wrote on Nov 13, 2012, 13:20:
Then he goes and gets a HAIRCUT before going to the hospital!

He sounds like my grandfather (my father's father). He was one of them 'don't mess around or talk shit, just do it' types. He passed in 1993 and I still think about him and my other grandparents often. All of them are gone. The hardest was my grandmother (my Mom's mom). She was another tough-as-nails type and was nearly 80 but could still run circles around me any day of the week...lol...she was always on the go doing things. She was declared 'Senior of the Year' a few times too. She was the Obi-Wan/Yoda of the family, the wise one. She left a huge gap in the family that has never really gone away. I like to think they all watch over us...whether it's true or not, I don't think really matters, as long as it's comforting...Like I've said in the past, they never prepare you while you're growing up that you'll lose nearly everyone you ever held dear and cared about. Not that you can really prepare for such a thing, I guess, but still. When the time comes for my Mom, my daughter and I will be the last ones left on my 'branch'. I try not to think about it. I don't really know how the hell I'll cope with it...


=-Rigs-=
 
Avatar 14292
 
'Now, we gave you a promise and we are bound by that promise and damn you for asking for it! And damn me for agreeing to it! And damn all of us to hell, because that is exactly where we're going!'
 
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