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53. Re: Torchlight 2 Next Month Sep 1, 2012, 00:54 WaltC
WarpCrow wrote on Aug 31, 2012, 10:55:
InBlack wrote on Aug 31, 2012, 10:20:
I tried GW2 at my store today. Aside from the pretty graphics it plays and feels exactly like WoW. Somehow I thought it was going to be more Diablo-esque. Oh well.

I'm not sure how you got that impression. They're utterly different games in many ways; they just happen to belong to the same genre. It's a bit like saying BF3 and CoD feel exactly the same because they're both multiplayer FPS with a leveling system and a similar setting.

Torchlight surprised the heck out of me in how much like Diablo 2 it was/is--the music, the pacing, the voicing--almost everything--it's D2 down to its nubs...;) I liked Torchlight for that because it brought back great memories of D2 so long ago...I was very disappointed to see that D3 was Diablo in name only--didn't buy it and won't play it as I'm no pirate. There's only one thing I hate more than "always online" game designs (because Murphy's Law will always manage to screw things up), and that's...

Cartoon computer games! Argghghghghggjh! Aiyee-ee-e! Ugh-up-chuck! Eeeeeoooowwww!

From what little I've seen of T2 up to now I'm not sure if it's a cartoon or it isn't. T1 definitely wasn't. I did look at an early trailer for T2, and like Borderlands it looks (to me) ridiculously cartoonish--a style I really hate in computer games because it makes me feel as if I am being pandered to in the worst way: as if I am a baby doing a number in my swaddled diapers who still gets a kick out of the Cartoon Network, worships Sponge Bob, and sniffs his tightly clenched, fragrant "boo blanket" while sucking and gnawing his thumb down to the bone!...;)

That's a bit over the top, I know, but I really don't like the cartoon style in computer-game artwork--it very nearly offends me, and that's saying something because I am not easily offended at all. It's like "Wot? You want me to buy this tot's toy, this "play Army" cartoon crammed full of utterly unbelievable explosions in the name of pumping up 'PhysX' while deflating the player's gray matter--you want me to buy that? Wot's that? And you want me to pay $50 for the privilege?" "OK, tell you what...I think I can reach my shotgun in the den inside my locked gun display case in about...oh, 12.657 seconds, as mad as you've made me, because I have the key in my hand right now and the gun is loaded!" (Bad policy, I know.) "So I think if you start right now you can make the door and clear the yard before my artificially rusted and poisoned buckshot penetrates your--" (The guy is gone in a flash and I relax thinking how close I came to doing something really stoopid!)

So you see where I am on Borderlands. I hope that T2 is no cartoon and carries on in the inimitable style of D2 and Torchlight! I pray that Travis has resisted the urge to ruin his franchise by making it all "new and improved"! So new and improved, in fact, that it doesn't resemble his other games, which are sacred and revered.

Let us pray for sanity and depth among game developers. I curse thee, cartoon, and consign thee to the lowest level of hell's hottest dungeons where you shall dwell in great, steaming piles of baby poop until you are dead.

(Gosh, I'm emotional about this, I guess)
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It is well known that I do not make mistakes--so if you should happen across a mistake in anything I have written, be assured that I did not write it!
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