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Universal Combat Expansion

This press release announces plans for Universal Combat: Hold the Line (thanks Frans), a Universal Combat expansion, while simultaneously, somewhat confusingly, heralding the end of the short-lived UC series (which was planned as the new Battlecruiser franchise), saying the previously announced UC: Edge to Edge is now a working title, and that the game's official title will be unveiled later this year. Meanwhile, here's the announcement of Hold the Line, planned for release this holiday season:

We have no immediate plans to develop another stand alone Battlecruiser title in the short term. As such, today we are announcing the above currently in progress addition to the Universal Combat franchise. Our aim with UCHTL is to improve on various critical aspects of the previous title in order to provide an even more advanced and fun title based on lessons learned from the previous offering.

Probably the last of its kind in the Battlecruiser series as we have come to know it, we are making UCHTL the all-encompassing game with as much advancements and fun filled gameplay in first person planet-side careers as is currently seen in the space borne careers. An extensive FAQ which will be frequently updated to reflect inbound questions, is located at www.3000ad.com/products/uchtlfaq.html .

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125. The Elusive Developer Troll Jul 12, 2004, 22:40 Herbie
 
Here we have the elusive devoloper troll. Our crew has only been able to capture a small clip of this specimen's behavior, as wild developer trolls are known to whine for years on end if allowed.

This subject has not quite reached maturaty, and it is quite unlikely that it will. At this age it is quite hostile and will likely pounce on anyone or anything that it finds as a threat to it's manhood. Watch closely as it uses such vicious attacks as the unnecesary bracketed words, and such words as "'tards" or "tits".

If this brief clip where to be continued the troll would likely attempt to mate with the insult-ee. Mother nature has assured, however, that this particular troll will likely never mate by equipping it with a malformed, giant head. This may seem cruel, but it is meerly nature's way of assuring the future of all developer trolls.

Neer the end you can see it unhinge it's mighty jaws and unleash the finishing blow (for both it's prey and it's poor game) by insulting both those who have bought the game and those who may consider it by calling them both to stupid to correctly play it.

This disturbing evidence of nature's sick sense of humor should serve as a lesson to us all. We should be carefull to avoid mother nature's twisted, malformed, wretched spawns. Especially now as it is yet to be determined whether the horrid "being an ass" virus is contagious. For the time being I would strongly advise avoiding any contact with "Dr." Derek Smart or any of his games.

Thank you for joining us on today's episode of Nature. For more information please talk with "Dr." Smart, I am sure he would gladly talk at lengths about himself.

 
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